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| Kitty Brennan 2007-05-18 ch 1,  | abuseThat's really good. I like how you took time and made Frank a real person, with real concerns, with family and a girl back home to boot. So many people don't understand that solid characters are needed even for short stories. You could write more stories about him...maybe about him and Ileene? Overall good job, Sage! Kit |
| Lirra 2007-04-17 ch 1, | abuseHmm... its difficult to say what I think of this, but it was well-enough written that I'm going to try. It has potential, yet... there's really not much to hold the reader; not much conflict. If you wanted, it could evolve into alot more, if you ever expanded it. Also, sometimes you seemed to step outside your character, to give information that seemed irrelevent... you should choose your point of view and stick with it- either omescient, or limited third-person. But you have very good technique, kudos for that. |
| TheDarkintheLight 2007-03-29 ch 1, anon. | abuseI know it is an assignment, but then again...why do we care about a bunch of people getting cremated? Point is, we don't. It's a stupid story that has absolutely no meaning, true or not. You say 30% of it was research, but you must have researched some very ** source. By '43, the Battle of the Atlantic was well being won by Britain and the Allied Forces and no U-boats would have been found in the North Atlantic. In short, do more research, write about something the reader will care about, or simply don't write at all. |
| rust phoenix 2007-03-10 ch 1, | abuseI actually read this a few weeks ago but didn't get a chance to submit a review. I'm making up for that now. Firstly, I like how you chose an interesting topic that most people wouldn't think of writing about. It was educational, not in a boring bad way but in a makes-you-think way. I especially like the last three paragraphs, they give the who thing a satisfying but thought-provoking ending. I also like how it's based on true events, it's hard to write good historically accurate pieces. You did a great job, keep writing! |
| WIM 2006-12-16 ch 1, anon. | abusean interesting story. you say its true? how do you know? |