Nice

Excellent story! I lost track of this one for a while, but I picked it back up again. You did a fantastic job of developing the plot and the characters. I do have a couple suggestions I want to make, although most of them are just things to keep in mind, not necessarily things to change in this one. If you addressed any of these in the story and I just didn't notice, I apologize; I tend to read quickly. First of all, I think you mentioned that there were supposed to be five immortals still alive, but only four actually play a role in the story. I think that Logan's grandmother was the one who was only mentioned? It might have been better to kill her off either before the story begins or sometime during the story. The other four immortals, even the ones who don't play a major role, have fairly strong personalities, and it seems odd that Enid would have absolutely no interest in anything that happens during the story. Secondly, I was never really sure why Alain's character existed. I mean, he's Jarod's twin, but he doesn't really have a significant role in the story. Finally, did you ever really explain the origin of the bond between Jarod and Logan? The link between them is an important part of the story, but I don't remember ever seeing an explanation as to why it exists. If you write more stories (and I'm hoping you will), just make sure that the major characters have a purpose and that all the plot points are sufficiently explained. Again, good job on the story!

I've just finished reading this story. Even though it was a long story, it was well worth the read. Though you've effectively tied up all of the loose ends, I can't help but notice that you've put in an opening for a sequel if you wanted to do one. After all, you said something about when the Ring rises again? Granted, one of the bad guys said it, if I remember correctly, but still... Also, one of the imortals was mentioned in the story, but didn't show up. You might want to reread the story with a notebook at hand and jot some notes down on a prequel or maybe even a sequel. As I recall there were five imortals mentioned. Four showed up in the story. I can't help but wonder what about the fifth? See? Room for a sequel. Maybe the fifth imortal restarts the Ring? It's a thought... As I said before, a good read. As I also said, you've tied up all of the loose ends, but there are a few threads that are dangleing if you wanted to write a sequel... and maybe even a prequel...

Interesting... It's been a while since I had a chance to read this.

*shudder* Treachery, intrigue, and I think I need to organize a few jumping parties on certain Ring characters.

:) CD

well, i got to read up to chapter 6!! let me just say that the whole thing about the Ring just keeps growing in such a way that is just so...idk, interesting. it's really good, one of my favorite elements of this story so far! :)
the characters are great as well. Logan seems like a kid with a lot of depth to him, and so far he's probably my favorite. i like how he and Toni kinda "team up" in a way, it adds something nice. well, i found it to be nice, at least. and omG poor Jarod! but i'm glad he's safe now, but god! and somehow i just don't see how him losing his memory over everything is exactly a good thing...not sure how that will turn out plot-wise, but that's just what i think. so i'll definitely be reading more to find out what happens with all that!
you've got a really good style that just keeps things moving along and flowing nicely. my only problem was that Morgan joined the Ring a bit too quickly, by saying quickly, i just mean that that lil scene felt a bit rushed.
but all together, i love it so far! thanks for giving fictionpress a nice epic-feeling story with depth and hardly any grammar or spelling issues. :) happy writing!

~~up and away!~

~Samantha

Wow, this was so engaging. I'm kinda way behind the rest of your reviewers, it seems, cuz i just starting reading this. But i'm glad i happened to come across it!
The whole idea of the Mage Circle, the Ring, and naming was super intriguing and and caught me right there from the start! You've got a really good start to the whole story, keeping it well-paced while keeping me (well, the reader) anxious and interested to read on.
you also seem to have an amazing set up of the world. Although i don't know much about, i just felt the whole village of Sillick kinda sink into place, and it just materialized in mind, vividly, even without any crazy, long-winded detail. That kind of detail bothers me sometimes anyway, so you score fully on that!!
I'm VERY nit-picky about characters, and i must say that in my opinion, you've done really well with making Toni, Jarod, Morgan, Kate...ALL of them just so 3D. Their personalities just pop out and then mesh into the whole setting and plot and everything.
Congrats on the originality i see so far, and congrats on introducing new places, people, culture, etc in a subtle way that informs us but doesn't bore us to death.
When it's not 11 at night, i shall read the rest!! for now, happy writing ;)

~~up and away~~
-Iggy (or Samantha, whichever is easier to remember) :)

What was with all the wuick updating? I had to struggle to catch up. I still like it. I don't really know what to say about it, but I do want to know what's going to happen. Maybe we can talk about it at some point...

Wow. Fast update. Way to go. I like the interaction where they don't seem to know who they are. It's really neat. I'd say more, but I'm at work, so I'll talk to you about it later.

They've been damning themselves ever since they first refused a boy's rash demand that they do something. Or maybe before.

:) CD

Wow. I'm not really sure what to say. This chapter was good, but totally insane. I mean I knew that the members of the Circle were umm... hesitant, but I had no idea that they could be reckless and stupid like this.

Very interesting. It's weird seeing the "kids" on this side of the equation, dealing with kids justs as defiant and independent as they were.

:) CD

Good chapter, although the end of it doesn't really feel the same as the ends of your other chapters. I'm not really sure why. Maybe I don't really know how your chapters usually end, especially since I read so many of them one right after the other. Anyway, I thought this said a lot about the children and their parents.

This chapter is good. I really like Cameron in it. He reminds me a lot of his dad, but so did Owen earlier. I also liked the conversation with Logan and Jarod, it shows how protective they are of each other... and they reminded me of Tristan and Cam, who I always loved.

It's good to see the kids working to find out the mysteries. The Circle will be a much better place when they are Masters/Mistresses of the Circle.

One more thing I would suggest (even though it is too late for this version) is to create different terms for A master/mistress and THE Master/Mistress Mage. It's confusing that the Master Mage is not referred to with a different title than a Master of the Mage Circle. Perhaps call the Master Mage an Archmage or something?

I see you answered my posed question within this chapter (thanks!): if Jarod's group has the majority, why don't they outvote the minority? So they do require unanimity. But that begs another question: how then was Kami outvoted in making Jarod the Master Mage?

What exactly are the powers of the Master Mage, if there must be a unanimous vote for everything? I guess it seems like Jarod has a lot of pressure to lead the Circle well when it isn't obvious what exactly he can do, other than argue his point (which seems to be the option available to every master/mistress of the Circle). It would seem that the Master Mage position is something of a scapegoat position, someone with no more power than the other Masters but who takes the responsibility for the Circle's wellbeing and success. Maybe that's the point you're trying to get across. I don't trust the Circle, though I definitely see how, if Jarod succeeds in motivating the Circle to action, the Circle could do a lot of good for Kura.

I look forward to your next chapter!

~Meldon

This chapter was good. I really like getting the kids' perspective. It lets you see how things are to them and it sort of reminds me of the beginning when Jarod and Logan were young... especially the way they're trying to figure things out when people aren't helping them.

I also really love the Circle files, although I would be interested in hearing what the Circle has to say about their mothers as well... mostly because we don't know them as well as we do the guys.