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| Abdul Alhazred - John Brewe... 2007-04-30 ch 1,  | abuseI could feel the rain on my face, Aslan. Well done. Staccato lightening... yes, and the wide brim hat slung low. I love this character. I see him standing against the buildings somewhere wet and dark. Been reading your other things... amazing. You are very well written, keep firing away, these things, these poems, they are our living epitaphs, and people walking through this paper boneyard are staring at your headstone with awe. Me included. ;) |
| summerbee 2007-02-25 ch 1, | abuseooh, this is fascinating. very mysterious. your diction was stunning, it created absolutely the right mood. |
| darknessblooms 2007-01-20 ch 1, | abuseI finally got around to reading this finally and I hope you update soon before everyone goes crazy with waiting. :D The imagery is wonderfully done...almost too much but not. And it almost seems ordinary and common, the dark night, the dark, mysterious stranger (perhaps handsome, perhaps dangerous, perhaps both), but I have a feeling that that's not true. |
| mormonboy 2006-12-27 ch 1, | abusehey, I can't wait to see what comes next. |
| no.peace.los.angeles 2006-12-22 ch 1, | abuseOh, wow, you've definitely created an air of mystery here. The plot itself seems a bit contrived (dark rainy night, guy in an overcoat smoking a cigarette, a scream filling the air) until you get to the key, then you start wondering what this guy is up to. Nice descriptions in this. I like that a lot. Maybe a few too many adverbs here and there, but they're hard to stay away from. Nice work. Keep writing! :) |
| Skiv 2006-12-09 ch 1, | abuseThat's horribly and lovely ominous! I likes I likes. Very V for Vendetta meens Sin City. Only problem I saw was like... There, buried deep in the shadows stood a figure slunk back so far the darkness refused to reveal him might sound better as "stood a figure slunk so far back that the darkness refused to reveal him." Just a thought. Hearts!! |
| Sarah-Brighteyes 2006-12-08 ch 1, | abuseIts been a long time since I have been on fiction press and what a delightful little introduction of some fabulous story to come back to. You always have a great way with descriptions aslan. I love the way you send even the smallest details of this place into a ravishingly dark place for a story to begin. It is the perfect air of mystery. This stranger is obviously not afraid... he is waiting... he is expecting. The whole tone of the scenery is set perfectly to depict the character's shadowy side. Keep writing. I want to know what is exactly the right time for... You leave me hanging with anticipation. Awsome intro Aslan. Bravo as always... |