FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| pinknails101 2008-01-14 ch 1,  | abusethis is really good i cant wait for another chappy |
| d666lisa 2007-10-02 ch 1, | abuseA beautiful piece of writing. Simple and yet at the same time, complex. |
| The Increadable Edible Tell... 2007-06-24 ch 1, | abuseOk, where do I begin? There were a few grammatical errors, but I will not bother to point them out. Re-read it and ask yourself what sounds wrong. Secondly, there was far too much description based soley on color in the first paragraph. Thirdly, I can tell by most of the content that you are young. i.e. "I got out of bed and dragged on a pair of raggedy jeans, a black hoodie and my vans." This was a DEAD giveaway that you are young. It is important, in my opinion, not to let your age reflect your writing. This is not to say that you cannot put your main character in high school. I am just suggesting that you watch your descriptions a little more. I am hoping you will continue this story and am looking forward to reading the outcome of this "encounter" |
| aussiegrl5070 2007-05-22 ch 1, | abuseThis isn't bad. The story has adventure and drama and has me wanting more. Is this vampire bad/evil or is he after her for entirely different reasons? Are you doing to continue? |
| little fox demon 2007-04-15 ch 1, | abuseoh wow sounds good i hope u continue with it |
| King Uncle Kenny The 13th 2007-03-16 ch 1, anon. | abuseI really love the idea of it... Although your transitions are kind of going fast... Don't take it teh wrong way...I love your story... The imagery is fanastic, but you are moving to quickly. Take your time... All in All I hope you continue... I wish to read more... |
| Lily M. 2006-12-09 ch 1, anon. | abuseAn interesting start. It flows nicely, but you need to start a new paragraph whenever there's dialogue, and it's a little short. |
| Afourletterlie 2006-12-09 ch 1, | abusecool story, very descriptive and surreal. that's the best part of the story i like, plus that's a good sign when one of the reviewers are saying that they can feel what the characters are feeling. |