This is really good so far. The characters are interesting and believable. I noticed a few grammatical mistakes and a few spots where it looks like a word or two was left out, but editing and rewriting usually takes care of such things. I'll be back for more when you write more.

great story hope you continue it.
not my usual type but I may become a convert.

Whoah! That is awesome. I had a series that was my first but it

kinda stunk. It is completely obvious you know what your doing.

Very descriptive, Dialouge is great. Keep writing dude/dudet

you are great!