FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Banshee Junior 2007-01-17 ch 1,  | abuseI love how personal this is, and how ignorant this personal account seems in the light of the last four lines. In her eyes, she seems to reveal and he seems to do nothing...while in the boy's eyes it could be entirely something else. This is really wonderful! |
| sicklysnowwhite 2007-01-13 ch 1, | abuseit seems like it should rhyme. the lines have the right beat for it. like the end. i hope your other poems wont have the same amout of feeling. the way you say things just doesnt appeal to the senses. you say love too many times. maybe i'm being too mean. i can tell you mean it, but your not showing any amount of feeling. |
| ignominy 2006-12-12 ch 1, | abusehm... well the beat was... way off. sorry. exspecially in the beginning. i had trouble reading it. you got it together a bit more at the end. i was... kind of surprised, you're usually fine with rhythem... the end was great though, probably cause it rhymes. maybe you should write more poems with rhyming. the story however, was a bit lacking in discription... not very creative in language, but it was a nice twist to the monotone of i love him, he doesn't know i exist. which is good. i like that i'm not reading the same old stuff from you, and getting stuff that i've never read before. i'm sorry for being so mean... but critisism is welcome to you isn't it? i don't remember... w/e |
| lioness2004 2006-12-11 ch 1, | abuseGreat poem. Throughout the poem is a lot of ambiguity and that is what makes this poem special. |