|Reviews for Inconvenient|
| Elizabeth07 1/30/08 . chapter 1
Nice! I would love to read more if you post it.. If not, I would be sad. I like that she is angry and confused, and hopefully she will get her happily ever after.
| squiggle-line 12/13/06 . chapter 1
I didn't understand that the narration in italics wasn't happening at the same time as the dialogue until about the middle. Maybe make the separation more clear? I think what really threw me off was the "Zach standing next to her..." phrase because that made me think he was actually standing next to her while she was having this conversation with her friend.
Some of Pam's lines in the beginning are rather cheesy ("...like you're the only person in the WORLD to him" and "...denying forever that there's no other boy you'd rather spend time with...") but some of Joanna's lines at the end are wonderfully timed ("...and GETTING DISTRACTED...")
Ending the story with Joanna's line confuses me. Does the dialogue take place after the actions in italics? Her mention of inconvenience seems unrelated to her kissing Zach. I thought the distraction lines were paired very well but I don't really see the connection for the discussion about inconvenience.
I like how some of the narration in italics is rushed and focused at the same time but the lack of commas is a bit distracting.
| psychotic aiba lover 12/13/06 . chapter 1
agh! you should continue your stories, b1...