cool. Were you hungry or something when you came up with the character name, Sara Lee?

this is a good start for your story you could make it longer like you said you were going to it could be intersting to read the rest

Who is the girl friend.

Back again! The test is a good one, and it says much about Kuroga, because he is willing to pay well for one of his own.

It would work out better, if this man is wounded. After all, he has fallen 15 feet to the ledge, and if he is unconscious, he cannot grab the vine rope lowered to him. This would make Theo's role more important, and thus, more worthy of the reward.

This is the last chapter I will read tonight. I must to work now.

Like the King Martin thing wasn't trouble enough. Still like Valir. He seems kind of scattered brain, because he forgot about the rules of the portal.

The story moves very fast, and it seems like they get into one mess after another. It is funny that the guards give up at a certain hour. If Martin is so kind ot his guards without pushing them too hard, then he is a rather laid back or slothful king. Otherwise, the two fugitives would be pursued until they were too far away. I know, I am putting a spanner in the works.

Valir is a fun little character, and it seems Theo doesn't care what he eats, and he is just lucky that it all taste good, but you have mentioned that he was rather hungry.

I don't know. What is he trying to save the world from. I would be asking that indeed once I got there. I guess he is saving the world from something that Martin is doing.

There are a lot of details left out, and I know you are tired of hearing/reading my critiques on such things. Hey, I am in a critical mood, and since I am headed into Chapter 3, I must like your story.

Ah, the title of the chapter could be Sole Survivor indeed. Oh well, a nice begining. Valir seems to be a different kind of wizard/mage charcter.

Theo is a nice enough fellow, but there are some things that I would be curious about. How did he survive when everyone else had died? Did he find a hole to hide in. Was he knocked unconscious and overlooked as one dead. Knowing modern warfare, we like to bomb everything. Chicago would be a prime target for bombing as well, because it is a big city. I like your story et up though.

Nationstates anyone?

I love the story. Hope you update soon. And thanks for reviewing my story.

Okay, so apparently Sirgo isn't that different from our own. The language is the same, seeing as Theo read one of their lunch menus with no problem. Even if Sirgo is the Second Earth, Theo should still be bewildered. Remember, neither he nor your readers know anything about Sirgo. In fact I find it a bit strange that the very first thing he asked is if Valir should be taking them to a restaurant. He started asking more questions relevant to Sirgo later on in the story, but those should have arisen sooner.

'“What is this place,” I asked, “since you know it all?”'

-This, in fact, would have been the first thing out of my mouth if I was suddenly transported to Sirgo.

I also find it interesting that Theo is 'destined' or something to destroy this world so that he could revive his own.

*reviewing as she reads*

"Food was probably pretty well scarce..." You have three adverbs here when you only need one or two. You can keep "probably," but remove "pretty" or "well." This will let the sentence flow easier.

... Oh, okay. Since Theo is apparently the last human on Earth, you might want to let the reader know how he survived without a scratch. Something bad enough to wipe out humanity would probably have done some damage to Theo as well. He could be injured, barely alive, thirsty, filthy, naked, etc... Yet all we know is that he is hungry. If you mention these other things, it adds more flesh and credibility to your story.

Last of all, do a little describing on this busy street in Sirgo. How different is it from Earth, being in another dimension and all? I know that it's a good thing to keep the story moving instead of dwelling on a few things, but keep in mind that Theo has never been to Sirgo in his entire life. Since he's dictating this story, it should be very new to him.

*off to read the next chapter*

Very interesting, I like the idea of a house on wheels _ I see that the plot isn't very reveiled, well, I look forward to reading again, Keep up the Good work!

Best Wishes,

Aurora

Very interesting beginning! Keep up the good work, however, I think you have the plot well done, but I suggest some more details-suggesting, so ur choice.

Sunna