You've done such a fantastic job with this. You make an essay on your family heritage that could have ended up boring into something interesting and funny. I love the bit about you wishing your great-great-great grandfather had spontaneously combusted or your 16th cousin had been abducted by aliens. That's classic. Everyone wants interesting families. Being related to Charlemagne is nothing to sneeze at, though. Family heritage is something that's pretty interesting to look into, I must agree. As far as technical stuff, I'd work on using less adverbs (for example, "uninterestingly" is just an awkward word). Other than that, great work! Keep writing! :)