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| NeonGolden 2008-08-06 ch 1,  | abuseThis is pretty sad =[ I like it though. My favourite part is actually the opening, especially the line "numb with loss" just because it paints a good vivid picture of the emotions. I love the ending as well, such a great image of a person dying with the bottle. There are a few problems and improvements I'd suggest. I don't like the question "why did you die?" - it's too obvious and simple, it doesn't fit with the subtle speculative feeling of the poem up to then. Your capital letters are kind of in random places. You only need a capital at the start of each line if it's after a full stop. Also when you say "now your dead" - the your should be "you're". |
| blue.eyes.can.be.deceiving 2007-06-09 ch 1, | abusethis is one of those things you don't truly understand unless you've seen it. along with the world of drugs. I have witnessed them both being abused by family members. it's painful, and you can definitely see the pain in this poem.! great job portraying that feeling! -Ash (reviewers_found) |
| saccharinemisery 2007-06-01 ch 1, anon. | abuseThat was... full of emotion. And the line "And the cycle starts again" is so true. My classmate was a drunkard and we all thought that he had already stopped but then, he started all over again. Sad, really. :( And I love how you wrote the line in which you say that the cycle had stopped but you had lost a friend right after the "cycle starts again" line. :) |
| its.Nothing.Special 2007-05-27 ch 1, | abuseI liked the feel of this. It didn't feel as bitter or resentful as it did gentle and reprimanding. Really bittersweet. Beautiful piece. ;)becky |
| Inu-midoriko 2007-01-26 ch 1, | abuse:( aw, that one was sad. but it was still good. XD |
| typerchick 2007-01-02 ch 1, anon. | abusehey nice poem your into slash right? can you email me i need a few tips aswell thanks |
| HawkDancer 2006-12-22 ch 1, | abuseOh my God! I'm so sorry for your uncle and your family. I thought this was a great poem though. |
| FaithMemory 2006-12-21 ch 1, | abusei really love sad poems... |
| Emotionless Crystal 2006-12-20 ch 1, | abuseIt must really hurt especially if said relative is close to you. Alcohol has always been a killer. It just hits you harder when it happens to someone you love. |
| Mosaic Stains 2006-12-18 ch 1, | abuseWell... this was nicely done with sorrowful emotions. I could feel the sense of it while reading your poem. The vibes it gave weren't angsty, but touching in a soft essential way, which you show through your choice of wording. Honestly the only think I found a small throw off to the soft, caring balance of the poem, was the last line. It's nice, and yet it's off balancing. Almost as though it needs one more line to complete it, or the words shifted around a bit to give it that final point. A sort of collecting, gathering point of what feelings are left so you can mourn in the quiet recesses of your heart and mind, while going on. I hope I'm amking sense, and that I think it is nice has come out well? |