FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Haru-chan 2008-03-08 ch 6,  | abusegood chapter. I hope you update soon. |
| Melissa Norvell 2008-03-02 ch 6, | abuseWell, it's nice to see a story like this. At first I thought it was a ho-hummerage shounen-ai and I was proven wrong. You have a good story with potential and nice characterization. I've been on this site for seven years and the shounen-ai has come down a few noteches so its refreshing to see a good one besides my own here. You have a good thing going and I'll definitely stick around for your next chapter. If you wish or have the time feel free to check out some of my works. Youmay like them. |
| Haru-chan 2007-04-29 ch 5, | abuseAW! adorible!! but i really hiope kiyoshi doesn't have to move. I'd like...cry. update soon!! |
| Haru-chan 2007-01-05 ch 1, | abuseAnother great chapter, i really like the way it flowed. But there was one thing i didn't get. The Sasaki kid that came outta nowhere and said he was in love with Kiyoshi. i don't know whether it was just me not paying attention earlier or what, but if it wasn't just me, could you elaborate a little on him later please? |
| Redtail Rathan 2006-12-24 ch 1, | abuseNice. VVEERRYY nice. I actually went back and read it again. Something I normally dont do. ((BTW, I got this link from that post in DxM on Gaia. XD)) |
| lurkindarkness 2006-12-19 ch 1, | abuseAs you wanted a more thorough response. - The characters are nice, fairly well developed for an original story (I know you aren't traditionally used to writing them, so kudos) - Transitions could be a bit... smoother. Transitions are one of my least favorite parts of long stories, but I'm just critiquing for your benefit, don't blame me. - Certain parts seem to be in more detail then others, whether those parts were your moments of creative spirit, or the other parts were more hurried, it's just a bit diverse. - The 'thoughts' could be a bit more organized, sometimes for things like FictionPress, italics are better (not always, but sometimes - also seperating them in the same way you do text is good) - Good relationship development also... - There were one or two times where "he" could have been Kiyoshi or Makoto... trust me, you know all I write is slash, so I get that problem alot, and trust me - I hate repeating their names 80 times in one paragraph, just letting you know. - Completly unrelated to the story: Author's Notes, could have some sort of divider between end of them and beginning of story, it's more of a pet peeve then anything, but it can be confusing for the first line or so... |
| Ai-Kusabana 2006-12-17 ch 3, | abuseHi there! This story is nice! I think Kiyoshi is a really sweet guy! Poor Kiyoshi was accused! I can't believe Makoto did that! But then who's he mystery man anyway? Why did he do what he did anyway? Does this guy have a crush on Makoto or something? or maybe he crave for Kiyoshi? Hope you'll pdate soon! |
| Abstruse Blue 2006-12-17 ch 3, | abuseI like it so far. Keep it up! |
| Haru-chan 2006-12-17 ch 3, | abuseWow, the story is fantastic, if not somewhat odd. the emothion is portrayed really well, but the end of the second chapter is a little confusing and parts make very little sense, but that's probably just me. What I can make sense of in the last little bit, made me think "*gasp!*WHAT?! NO WAY!" I love it so far please update soon, i can't wait to see what is going to happen next! |