 Taltush/MeiMei 2006-12-19 . chapter 1First of all, you wrote "loosing" instead of "losing". There is no word "loosing". I don't know if that was just a typo or on purpose, but that's the first comment.
Second of all, question poems are always tricky. This one is okay, with a good amount of emotion and feeling in it, it's still a little flat. It's more like you're just stating something and then asking a rhetorical question, which is why this is a bit more tricky than ordinary poems.
My suggestion is to insert more depth to it, maybe make it a bit more three-dimentional. Maybe expansion will help it out. I'm not entirely sure what to suggest, but right now it's just a little flat and dull. |