Ooh, very nice. In a poem every word counts- brevity is often important. The fact that you only wrote the necessary words while still maintaining the ideas and metaphors in the poem is very well-used. I especially loved the line "ashen butterflies." Definitely my favorite- I really love the metaphor!

Also, thank you for reviewing my poem!

i love the enigmatic and smooth rhythm in this. it really is lovely how you sum everything up in few words.