"withered lily born at our meeting" is a pretty fantastic line. No lie. It's like ... poetry on happy drugs. Yay happy drugs! (kidding)

The whole thing's got a sense of abandonment and discomfort. But I love it because of that feeling I get.

Felicia.

I like that you're experimenting with form. Right off the bat. then that you're doing it well... kudos.

it got me right away. citric is good, born at our meeting it good, lily is good, the idea is good. I get a panel of a comic book out of it, a vignette. it's pretty close to a haiku, so, that's natural.

if I can offer one small criticism? lily and citrus do not belong in the same poem. they don't work together. a lily cannot be characterised that way.

other than that? you're stunning, I'm favouriting you.