that was an incredible piece, i loved it. there were lines that just took my breath away, and i would tell you all of them but then i'd just repeat your entire poem.

honestly, i thought it was beautiful.

i'd love to read more of your stuff!

I would love honest suggestions/feedback on my work on fictionpress. Opinions from a writer like you would be very helpful and I would appreciate it!

.amazing. *CLAPS*

And this review will be long, because I'm going to point out all of my favorite lines, which is basically the whole entire poem.

First of all:

and the pages that she writes these words on

give her paper cuts on ink stained fingers

when her razor sharp thoughts

lash out at her from the lined pages

That was so original and it just took my breath away. I loved the imagery, and it was just... wow. That was my favorite part, right there.

and she writes the type of poetry

that is never really beautiful

just raw and painful and real

till she sugarcoats it with

pretty words and clever rhymes

The ending of that stanza was just... wow. You took the simple happy adjectives and made them seem bitter and fake. And all of the descriptions like sugarcoat and raw and painful and real- just WOW. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Then, with this part following:

like the chipped paint covering all

the heartbroken angry graffiti

tattooed in sharpie on every bathroom stall

from the broken glamour girls of Manhattan

to the small town girls with shattered vodka dreams

Everything there was so freaking a.m.a.z.i.n.g. All of the describing words were brilliant again- they all worked together to flow so that the person reading it can feel all of it. Everything you used just added to this part until it seems like it's going to explode from the full emotion of it all, which was how the entire thing was. Shattered vodka dreams- I don't think I've ever read anything like that before.

and read all the original, the never been seen before

quotes and poems and icons they can get their

nail polished oversize ring covered hands on

they will never understand a word until

they .themselves

The end periods worked very well for the emotion portrayed, and the italics on the never added to the emotion also, great job on this part too. The only thing that I would add would be a but before the they will never understand a word until... because without it the part seems like a run-on and it's hard to understand.

they never stop to ask what’s wrong

what’s going in her life to make her scream

out, bleed out these words onto paper

(“oh, she’s just making up riddles and mixing them

with lies. all she wants is attention”

-but honey these words aren’t as deep as you

want to pretend they are, if you don’t understand

then she never wanted you to.)

That was gorgeous. The bleed out those words onto paper- like I've said many times, you are AWESOME at the describing words. You never overdo it, but you don't have too little so that it seems fake either. You have the ones that burst out and are WONDERFUL. The part in the parentheses was just so good too, the riddles mixing with lies part was GREAT, as was the if you don't understand

then she never wanted you to.

The:

she never claims to be original, she never aims

for her words to be heartbreaking, groundbreaking

and she never said she wasn’t a hypocrite

she’s finally telling the truth for once,

but you aren’t listening

( ’ )

As much as I reread that, it always hits me hard. The mix of the two breakings (heartbreaking, groundbreaking) was so perfect, and claim and aim were working together to add to this piece of art. She never said she wasn't a hypocrite- I loved that one too. And the she's finally telling the truth for once- almost made me cry. Repeated ' .- *shakes head in pure disbelief*

This entire thing was completely, totally, without a doubt, perfect. It was so good that you left me speechless for a full ten minutes after I read it. And even this review took an extremely long time to write, because I wasn't sure how to word all of my feelings. This was just... incredible.

*Standing ovation*

I'm going to check out all of your other work now. But this just took my breath away. Literally and figuratively.

I LOVED it.

-Ally

first off, i love the title and your pen name, beautiful.

and this piece ... i LOVE it.

"and she writes the type of poetry/that is never really beautiful/just raw and painful and real"

and don't you hate it when you get people that are like, "OMG WHAT ANGST TRASH THIS IS!" gosh.

and personally, i love fall out boy.

"they will never understand a word until/they .themselves"

too true. i've come to realize that people who say, "i understand" or "i know how you feel" are such liars.

this is definitely going on my favs.