|Reviews for Pure Instinct|
| Virage 1/14/07 . chapter 4
I loved it lol. Woh, Kacie's mum is alive, and now they get to like, hang out and stuff. Or, kill and stuff. But the chap was pretty cool, her mother definitely has an air of superiority around her as well as a warmer curious nature. But the Daniel guy didn't really do or say much lol. He had like two lines and then turned into a background prop. I'm guessing this chap is mostly about dear Kacie and Isabella. But there was a large chunk of dialogue and not a whole lot of movement or backgroundary when they were talking. Like, was Kacie fidgiting her hands, or taking a step back? But the dialogue was good; I really like Isabella's reaction. It made me want to hug her. Only, Kacie's was probably more realistic. And the "stiff embrace" was an excellent image.
Well, these chaps are kinda short so I don't know how much I can say or do. I think I mentioned everything I thought of. Update soon!
| Virage 1/13/07 . chapter 3
I love that ending so much, it's tubetacular! Not really, but it's so damn good. I need to add it.
Ok, the biggest thing I saw wrong was the multiple uses of seem. "Seem" is a very passive verb and creates a passive sentence flow. What you want is action! Always use action verbs whenever possible!
"Kacie seemed to have no perception or no care for her new look and simply made her way towards her target" would be better with "Kacie had no perception or care for her new..."
"...as she started studying him he seemed to give nothing but a twitch’s warning before he spun around" would be better with "...as she started studying him, he gave nothing but a twitch's warning..."
In other words, everything is like, in your face. Also, it cuts down on some of the wordiness of the sentences so they're not longer than they have to be.
In other news, wa, I loved some of the images I thought of when reading it. The scene with her in the air and then sprouting wings and gliding down kinda reminded me of Batman. Which is awesome lol. Very dark, very smooth. And the scene in the ventilation and just as the guy came into the roomw as awesome too. When I think of Kacie, I think of Rider from Fayt Stay/Night lol. Which is awesome lol. I love Kacie's character. And of course, the end was great. I imagined the woman's voice to be soft, almost happy when she said that. Or maybe she was one of those condescending sorta cynical types. Either way, it really adds to the disblief of being found out.
| Virage 1/7/07 . chapter 2
Great story. I think I saw some problems early on, but once her father stepped in, the story really picked up. I like the way the father was characterized; typical classy...man dude. With man dude like tendencies lol. But awesome work. Kacie seemed like there were some stereotypes about her, but she quickly proved them wrong. Maybe not stereotypes but preconceptions I guess. And the fight in the VR was really cool. Awesomely told. I got a sense for the how fast she was moving and how quickly she was thinking while in the midst of the fight. The build up to her special move was really awesome too. I didn't see that many errors throughout the entire thing and for whatever reason the fluidity was really good. I didn't get bogged down or confused at all. When this story updates I'll be sure to take a look at it. I like the story, plot, and the potential. She's going to be a fine assassin imo.
| Virage 1/7/07 . chapter 1
Really cool concept with the whole how vampires came to be. I don't know too much about vampires, but I'm pretty sure this isn't the general consensus. Rather, this is a really nice refresher, with a scientific twist. It's a fun idea. I like Kacie's character, very little is said about her directly, but you can really get a feel for what kind of person she is through her actions and the way she moves, literaly. The descriptions are really good and I found a vividly vibrant, though dark, representation of the manner and the library. It's a cool juxtapose.
Some things that still need work; descriptions are a mouthful and actions tend to get bunched up. I think if you use a few more periods and use smaller sentences, everything will flow much better.
After doing so she brushed her hair, marvelling at how it’s reddy-chestnut colour glistened in the lights around the mirror and how easily her hair and the brush made static, her hair moving towards the brush as if compelled.
After doing so she brushed her hair, marvelling at how its reddy-chestnut colour glistened in the lights around the mirror, and how easily her hair and brush made static. The strands of reddy-chestnut would move towards the brush as if compelled.
Well that fix wasn't as extravagent as it looked, but there's spots that coud use work like that.
| litlbit125 12/29/06 . chapter 2
This story is awesome!
| Shandi A. Lemoine 12/26/06 . chapter 2
Kacie kicks ass! Must read more!
| Shandi A. Lemoine 12/26/06 . chapter 1
Wonderful story! I love it! Please update soon! I love how you came up with that explaination about vampires and how they came to be. Very smart move.