 CarmenTakoshi 2006-12-24 . chapter 1M... moved in rather fast, didn't we, Robin? ;) Not that I'm complaining. It was very nice, not like most yaoi one-shots where it's just plain, hard sex. It was sweet and subtle, which I think gives the story even greater impact.
The first-person point of view was fairly well written, as well. Not so descriptive as to be overwhelming and make your character sound like a dictionary, but just enough to establish his personality.
There were one or two places were Robin described things that he shouldn't have been able to see, like the part where Daiki is sitting with his hand in his chin and Robin is back to him while making tea/coffee (it sounded more like tea flavors to me). It is stated that he turned around specifically after Daiki speaks, so he should have noticed Daiki's stance after that.
Other than that, it was perfect. I was but an idle shounen-ai fangirl looking for some well-written fluff, and you made my day. Bravo.
...wow. I rarely write reviews that long. Heh. It's my opinion that good writing always spawns good reviews. Congratulations again, and keep on writing!
~Carmen |