 Updraftgirl38 2007-03-14 . chapter 1 Wow, this is a lovely one-shot. I liked the extra insight into Lucinda's head.
Comparing the city to the moon seemed very fresh; I don't think I've seen that one before. The detail about the people in the lighted offices sharing the night was interesting as well, separate but together.
The personification of the wind was great as well. The violence in the way it screams past the skyscrapers changing to a playful tug was well done and fitting. It would be something she would pay attention to.
The little details about Matthew are well-placed. I can't quite tell if they're a couple, about to become a couple or just really close friends, but that's my fault. (I'm heavily leaning toward being a couple, but I'm not positive.) Whatever they are, you've conveyed the closeness of their relationship insanely well in just a few lines. The fact that she saw he was delighted with the scotch, that she knows he worries about her, and that she takes care of him show that they're close without telling. She doesn't say that she should get back to her boyfriend or best friend, but the reader gets that anyway.
Her flight at the end is just awesome. I love the way the wind snatches at her and the detail of her smile being predatory, as well as, well, the whole last paragraph. I would make some intelligent comments on the last paragraph, but I don't have anything intelligent to say. Perfect word choice, just all-around great!
My only concrit is that I think there's a bit of a typo at the very end -- "the moon sees worship" but otherwise it's awesome! |