FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Midnight In Eden 2007-02-11 ch 1,  | abuseI normally don't like repetition in poetry but your first three lines really work well. I do think though that after that, the inviting idea gets a little irritating until the last line where again it works. Otherwise, it moves well and you have some interesting descriptions. .:midnight:. |
| Marajohuiki 2006-12-26 ch 1, | abuseI'm feeling anger coming out of this. Maybe a tad of jealousy too. I *don't* like it, simply because it's pulling that emotion out of me. However, the writing is very good. (I hope I am being even semi-coherent here.) The only change I'd suggest is to drop 'in' in the 5th line because it feels like it disrupts the flow a tiny bit. It was just bothering me. |