Hey great story I usually hate prologues and think they take away from theplot, but yours made me want to know the whole story and what happened to your character that died. I really felt the emotion behind it you’re a great writer, can’t wait to see how it turns out! Hey Danielle Thamasa told me you were pretty good at returning reviews; would you mind looking at my Civil War novel? I think I called it “My Civil War Novel” I like to things simple. :D

Nice. The only thing I would suggest would be to check your points of view. Most of it is in third person, but a couple times it slips into first. It threw me off a little, so you might want to fix that. Otherwise, it was great. :)

Ok, so good a longer chapter.

A story always does get better with a bunch of hot guys thrown into the mix doesn't it? However the air of mystery is almost none existent and I'm finding myself looking for it.

Autumn is starting to become a little creepy though, there were a few typos and what not but the ones that really bugged me were, There was a, um, gleam in her eye. Weird.

before a vow you ahould always change the A in to an AN. It just sounds better, lol I'm weird ... because there were others but that one was the only one that grated on my nerves. Oh and about those two sentences, it was odd that you kept saying um and uh... they were a bit off putting for the sentences, was it to make the sentences more colloquial?

Anyway... on to the next chap...

This is a bit short isn't it? Oh well, I always thought it was the first chapter that made or broke a story.

It's a bit too brief, you kind of skim over things, rather than let the reader become immersed into your story... kind of like bullet pointing it for us.

Anyway... concept sounds intersting, yeah Skittle Addiction does sound stupid, that said... on to the next chap.

Hey! I think the name "skittles addiction" is a little weird too. (: Anyway, great start and I can't wait to see how it all turns out. Keep on updating!

Hey there! It's your week on Reviewers Found so I'm checking in.
I like the story's premise... two girls and a bunch of hot band guys? Oh, can you say naughty? Hehe, keep up the writing!

There's a few constructive criticisms that I'd like to point out:

1) I'm not so sure about the pop references you made in Chapter Two.

"I then thought of a line from one of the Harry Potter books (the 5th I think)…it was something about a teacher’s voice being like 'poisoned honey'"

and

"go watch Dr. “McDreamy” on season two of Grey’s Anatomy. He gives that look to Ellen Pompeo’s character, Meredith, all the time"

I dont know if they really help your descriptions, since the reader would have to know what you're referring to make sense of it. I love McDreamy so I know what you meant about his 'look,' but the Harry Potter ref was lost on me. Therefore, I got stumbled when I read the whole "Autumn-was-creeping-me-out" thing.

2) I guess just try and define the bet a little more. I'm still a bit confused... but maybe I just need to read it again.

That's it for now. ^_^

Dudette, what's this doing in the Mystery section? It seems more of a romance to me... but thenn you've only got 3 chapters up so SHUT UP ME. Haha, what I have to say is overall, it's a lot better than most of the pathetic attempts at these kind of stories on FP. This has a lot of potential, what with Kai's (suspicious) flirtatious attitude and Autumn's bitchiness. Because no one can stand hot guys, unless you're his blood relative or something, then it'll just be gross if you go out with him. OK, ignore me. But I feel that Kai's flirtatious nature is a little over-emphasized. As in I keep seeing the word flirtatious and I think you can probably find a few substitutes to replace that word, seeing how it gets boring after a while.

By the way, the way you described the dance scene was good. The atmosphere was very well-placed :) just a little note: I think it'd be a nice idea to give this an M rating, what with this chapter's content.

OK, so yup, I'm really interested in seeing what happens next. Doesn't FP kind of irritate you sometimes, always erasing the 'greater than' and equal and (at) signs? Gahs. Great beginning to a story then, do update soon :)

P.S. Thanks for the shoutout for TCC on your profile page! :)

HI there! It's your week to get reviewed, so yay! Here I go (bear with me, I can get long-winded):

"We had both grown up on boy bands, so, yes, I knew exactly what ‘they’ said." (I would leave this sentence out. It should be obvious from the writing that the other character gets the joke.)

"When we finally managed to open the door, a typical theater room was revealed." (This is a passive sentence. Stay away from these; they are weak. I would suggest something like "Once we finally managed to open the door, we stepped into a typical theater." But even at this point I would recommend describing the theater differently from typical. You have no idea what the reader thinks is typical. And if it is so typical, it's not really neccessary to describe it.

"He was deeply tan, tall, had sandy blonde hair, and deep green eyes…beautiful." (Okay, writing descriptions of people can be tough. I struggle with it myself. I think every writer, including myself, should stay away from using bland language to describe people. And a good rule of thumb is 'less is more.' Try focusing the description on a couple of features that stand out, and stay away from descrbing hair and eyes with just words of color. You may say someone's skin was the color of the outside of an almond, or some other kind of comparison. Mix it up though.)

"As I mentioned before, he has straight black hair, brown eyes, and is about average height." (Again, with descriptions, it can get boring to read the same kind of words over and over again. Straight, curly, brown, black, green, etc... Get more creative.)

"Score. My manager radar still works." (Although I like this part because it gives some attitude to the character, make sure you don't change up tenses. It should read, "My manager radar still worked" or "My manager radar was still working." Keep the past tense.)

"Technical difficulties? Hm, I wonder." (Present/Past tense confusion again.)

"I then proceeded to tell Autumn that it was a bad idea because one, we just got here, and two, it was stupid to get involved with someone you worked with." (Tense confusion. Plus this sentece seems awkward here. Maybe you just go with keeping it in the dialogue.)

"There was a, um, gleam in her eye. Weird." (I would take out the "a,um" )

"The, uh, gleam didn’t disappear though." (Again, remove the "uh." It just makes the story read awkwardly.)

"“Yes, you were,” I said, my most serious expression placed on my face. " (Passive sentence again. Just say 'I said, forcing my most serious expression.')

"I don’t think she knows how much she just freaked me out." (Tense confusion)

"He didn’t deserve something like that." (This communicates that she knows Kai intimately enough to know what he 'deserves'. But she just met him right?)

"Autumn and I are making our way out now." (Tense confusion)

"She CAN’T be serious about this crazy-** bet of hers." (Tense confusion.)

"You know that heart-melting look where it seems like the guy is staring straight through you, looking in, and seeing everything inside you? That’s the look Kai was giving me. If you STILL have no idea what I’m talking about, go watch Dr. “McDreamy” on season two of Grey’s Anatomy. He gives that look to Ellen Pompeo’s character, Meredith, all the time. Oh. I’m getting off-topic. Sorry. Jesus, why is Kai giving me ‘the look’?" (The great part about this paragraph is the comparison to McDreamy. It's a great way to get the idea across you're going for. I would just suggest shortening this up a bit. There is so much explaining, that the comparison gets lost in all the other words around it. Just keep it short and simple. He looked at her like he thought he was McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy. That would suffice.)

"This really must happen A LOT." (Lots of tense confusion going on. At this point, I'm going to leave that alone. I am guessing you are trying to write her thoughts, and if so, you need to distinguish them from the rest of the story with italics. I would also cut out the momnets where you seem to break away from the story and address the reader. It gets distracting.)

Whew! I know that was long, but I warned you ahead of time. Okay, so I try really hard to give honest and constructive critiques because as a writer, I appreciate those so much. "Wow, that was great, update soon!" is nice, but not very helpful. So in that spirit, let me say that I know it's hard to write stuff and put it out there for people to criticize. Kudos for even being brave enough to do that. However, your writing still needs some work. It's still early in the story, so I haven't really gotten to know the characters yet, but so far they haven't struck me as people I would remember. It seems kind of bland so far. Also, the dialogue needs some work. I would try to stay away from interrupting the dialogue as much as possible. You have something written after every single line of dialogue, like "she said with much sarcasm", or "I told him." You don't have to comment after every line of dialogue, in fact, you should do it as little as possible, and only when necessary to distinguish who is speaking.

Overall, you seem to have a good beginning of a story here, and a good premise for more. I hope this has helped you out. I'll check out some more of the story this week as well.

Cheers!

this is a cute little story you have here. The only thing i don't like is why does Audrey let Autumn get to her? Audrey does things becuase of a bet so she doesn't get fired? Audrey could get Autumn fired if she feels pressured.

Other than that, this is a good story.

[“Well…if you don’t, you know, I can always tell Andrea that I’m doing the work while you’re off partying with the band. You know how she loves stuff like that,” she said it so casually that if I didn’t know better, I would have said she was joking.]

It's Audrey describing how Autumn said it. Gah, this is hard to explain! Anyway, the dialogue should end with a period there. If the sentence was like this:

["...loves stuff like that," she said so casually...]

Then that's when you end in a comma.

Oh, I love it when guys whisper into your ear. It's just so hot.

Despite the fact Kai is one horny weirdo, you really make him sound real hot. Good improvement on your writing! :D

k whats up with Autumn's really weird looks and her thing about the bet? why would she want Audrey to do that to someone u just met? why cant she do that with Torin? oh well

hmm funny upbeat beginning. i wish ud explain more, write more.its so compact :-(

This is an interesting and attention grabbing prologue, but it just seems to be way too short to be counted as a chapter. Still, it makes you want to see what happens next, so I'll take a look.

Lady_DreamWriter (member of Reviewers_Found)

Skittle Addiction? Stupid name yes, but funny in a weird way. Autumn seems like a cool character. Not afraid to say whats on her mind, straight forward. The description of Kai, paints a lovely mental picture. XD I liked the Grey's Anantomy reference, love that show. Overall: nicely done, well written, and attention grabby. X3

Oh my goodness, Kai sounds entirely too gorgeous! I'm so sorry I haven't gotten around to review earlier, in fact, I could kick myself for letting all this time go by. Anyway, good job. Update soon, E.