I was extremly impressed with the structure of the dialoge and the creation of the setting. I was a little disappointed to be left hanging as to what was ultimately going down that left both characters feeling so fated to die. The TB seemed a detail that should have gone some place in the story line; but then didn't -- so why was it there? But the background use of teh kids palying basketbal was a very nice touch and helped to set the scene. Over all , a very nice job. I think you succed for the most part in achieving your stated goal.

Wow, what a piece! You really managed to capture the finality of it all, without them going all teary eyed and stuff, the emotion was still there and well shown at that. I liked the imagery as well and the tidbits of info one can manage to gather from the two characters.

Keep it up!

This is really good, it's so dark and vague. I like the way you describe the setting, and the dialogue seems realistic. Good job.

Wow. It's very descriptive, and very well written. Nicely done.