|Reviews for Friendship|
| Midnight In Eden 1/1/07 . chapter 1
For your readers sake and to make this seem a little less long, definitely insert some stanza breaks.
Like I said in your other piece, the capitalisation of the first word of each line just doesn't add much here. Again it takes away from the piece rather than adds anything.
Your punctuation is also slightly all over the place. I'd recommend doing the same exercise I suggested with the other piece. I'm also not sure about every statement in this being a question. It makes the poem feel more wishy washy then anything. It also feels like you're repeating certain things, that it's a bit too verbose for what you're trying to say.
I'm also not sure about the short line breaks. It lends to a choppy sort of flow that doesn't really fit the tone of this piece.
Hopefully I was helpful. It's a bit too long to really give detailed analysis on certain language but I would recommend cutting some of it down.