FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| abstractelysium 2007-01-25 ch 1,  | abuseBravo. Blunt and frivolous at all the right moments. |
| clockwork kiss 2006-12-30 ch 1, | abusei really like the last 2 stanzas and the idea behind the piece. it's original in that no one seems to write on it but everyone knows the feeling. i loved the ending and how it seemed to pick up and pace and then just end, which fit with the actual idea perfectly. only thing is that the first stanza seems to wordy and a little too planned out. it doesn't have the same flow as the second too. either way, this is still a very nice piece. :) |
| Orual 2006-12-29 ch 1, | abuseAh, yes, that is small talk. Some people just can't take silence. I just hate answering the same questions over and over again. *eyes glaze* Anyway, your linguistical command in this piece is excellent, and you make very good use of alliteration, as well. The only real suggestion is a punctuation change (seems petty, I know, but I preach punctuation. It's my calling.) I think your first line would be more emphatic if you replaced the comma with a dash. Thus: We have perfectly structured conversations-- meticulously arranged, planned, and carried out with cold precision. It's not a big difference, but I think it adds something. The poem really was excellent and quite thought provoking. |
| The Postscript 2006-12-29 ch 1, | abuseGreat work. This reminds me of a work party I went to the other night and everyone just made small talk about kids, work, vacation, weather, etc. Wonderful poem with great language. I don't know how to indent on fp. Best of luck to you finding out, though, I'm sure someone more computer intelligent will come along and provide an answer soon . . . this is an astounding poem (a rarity combing through so much of fp's work . . .) -- Keep writing! k. |