Very good piece. I think a lot of us can relate to such a work. I agree with the other reviewer though, I suggest considering a break after "drinking cup" and setting the rest into a third stanza. You might also consider a fourth stanza, by breaking after "focused song" and bringing the beat into more workable phrases.

Oh I really liked this. One comment though. I think the second stanza could be broken up into smaller ones, much like the first part was, which might help the rhythm a bit. Excellent job though, I enjoyed reading it =)