I liked this. Your language was quite metaphor-heavy and poetic, but I think that the style suited the subject matter well--not only were you writing about the use of poetry to express, you were using poetry itself to make that point. I also liked that you opened and closed with quotes and interspersed them with your arguments. (Hooray for Keats!) I hope your university liked it.

Whatever you were trying to communicate here didn't make any sense to me. It seems like you're trying way too hard to impress the reader.