Nice twist with the man on the bus. You have a lot of details, especially in the parenthesis, that slow the story down a little bit. Your readers don't need to know the specifics on things like block scheduling to appreciate the story. You do a good job conveying Aurelia's relationship with her boyfriend. Very realistic. Keep writing!

You write about loathing criticism and want to get some critique. The irony...

Your dialogue is weak. Actions are commented, but words just ooze out. I'll demonstrate the nonsensical commentary with one example

"“Um…” Behr chuckled." Behr did not chuckle an "um". Behr chuckled that word out or he chuckled after mumbling or humming, thinking aloud. Nobody laughs anything like "um um um". I understand what you wanted to say, but you said it in a way that the audience is SUPPOSED to understand the wrong way. If there is no description of how words are spoken, your narration is barely worth it. Of course, it's all better than nothing. Add, never remove.

The speeches look natural in most cases, but you abuse punctuation. The little dashes and ellipses are nice, but when you use too much, you have to cut the quotation some more and state the pauses as a narrator.

Too many details in parentheses. Incorporate into regular paragraph. It's like writing huge P.S. notes in letters. Not the best impression.

The ending is very sketchy, you must have hurried writing it. "Behr laughed" "Aurelia giggled" it's one under the other, does not make you seem worth the effort. Slow down and think, work together with your imagination, not alone.

Average.

Have a nice, abuse-free day.