As I read this story the first thing that came to mind was it has great imagery. After the first paragraph I was completely sucked in. It is a really capivating piece.

Nice work!

Sinedie

Lolol. I was gonna do some serious reviewing, but then I noticed something suspicious -- aha! Yes, I *have* read this before! Remember? You sent it to me when you first wrote it. :P 'sif this counts. You haven't won this war yet, girl.

It is a narrative. Very, very un-essay-like indeed. How you could have imagined this to be an essay, I don't believe I shall ever know.

Makes a nice short, though. I wonder if there's a story behind it ...

Sorry it's a narrative.
Interesting and well written, grammar and spelling seem good. But definitely not an essay.