Hmm...you did, again, more telling instead of showing. But the plotlines are original, and I really adore that. You are an incredible writer!

Frodo

Well...a different view on things. I haven't read the first one though, I should do that XD. I don't think that there are any mistkes, beginning could sound like more of a beginning though. It's interesting, too bad the chappies are so short. XP