Reviews for The Tain - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Tain

Punchadara 2007-06-04 ch 7,	abusewatsup! review please!
Twist130 2007-01-28 ch 2,	abuseThanks for the heads up about the new stuff. Can you imagine me trying to figure it all out? My review would be frantic enough for you to shake your head in shame. Lol. Alright, so, on to the review: Okay, so I just realized that he actually shot her. I thought you'd changed that before I got to the part where he pulled out her arrow. So you might want to make the fact that he shoots her a sentence, or at least longer than one word. "He noticed a small, crooked tree that oddly drew him to it." This sounds very awkward. Maybe, "He noticed a small, crooked tree, and felt strangely drawn to it." Also, if that's where he shot what he thought was an animal, then wouldn't he be going there anyway? Sor nice chapter! I'd read more now but I have to go do some stuff. Tata!
Twist130 2007-01-28 ch 1,	abuseHey... I'm reviewing in hope that this will go through, because of the whole I already reviewed it thing. I love how you've redone this, it's really good. Anyway... "The creature made its way to a strange tree, small yet penetrating." Is 'small but penetrating' talking about the creature or the tree? Where it's placed, it seems to be talking about the tree, so if it's not you want to put it in a different place. "Long fingers curled around the hood, pulling it back as she stood gazing wistfully at the tree." This sentence is a little confusing. Perhaps, "Long fingers curled around the hood, pushing the heavy material away from the girl's wistful face." "Nightmares that usually conquered her dreams awoke her as usual." You need a 'had' before 'awoke', and you should change 'awoke' to 'awoken'. Nice ending, not much wrong here at all! I'm praying that fictionpress will let me send this review... Cheers for getting rid of the measurements! You can still use them, only try and incorporate them in a subtle way. You know.
M.R.Sanner 2007-01-14 ch 1,	abuseYay you have a story up ! Sorry I didn't review it earlier and I must say I enjoyed the first chapter it was very well written and excuted . I loved the ending for this it makes me want to read more ( which I will if my father doesn't kick me off the computer ) . P.S. Just to let yah know I have a couple new chapters of my story up ( sorry it took so long ! ) COnfuzzld Me
ohthevoices 2007-01-08 ch 5,	abuseI love how, despite the fact that she's supposed to be "extraordinary", Armalan is still human. Great job showing us that side of her!
ohthevoices 2007-01-07 ch 7,	abuseNice. I can't wait to read more. I hope you update soon!
Mayaj 2007-01-05 ch 7,	abuseHeh, only got the alerts for this now... gave me an excuse to read it again! When do we get more?
ohthevoices 2007-01-04 ch 4,	abuse"Why? She did not know." I don't really like the "did not know" here. It seems redundant. She's questioning herself, which implies that she doesn't know. Solitude is nice. So are trees. I can relate.
ohthevoices 2007-01-02 ch 2,	abuseI didn't really like how you kept switching tenses in the description of the Svaer. It seemed kind of...I dunno...sloppy, in a way. Could you just pick a tense and stick to it, maybe? Other than that, I liked this chapter. The history was really interesting. And where did the woman come from? (I guess I'll just have to keep reading, huh?)
Narc 2007-01-02 ch 2,	abuseWell, the first chapter made me think that this might be really interesting, but the second kind of turned me off. Nothing really happened after he shot her, just a whole lot of description. Particularly bothersome were the lines like 'the woman had a slight, narrow body that constant hunger had carved of any fat'. Is that really one of the first thing your character notices about a girl with an arrow in her back? That she's pretty and skinny?
ohthevoices 2007-01-01 ch 1,	abuseI love the descriptions, I can see everything clearly. And the ending, because now I want to read more. Good job!

Return to Top