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Realilly 2007-11-08 ch 1,	abuseWow. I really loved this, except I was a bit confused at the "and the pretty-girl who got it with her" SPACE "pretty-girl dreams and blah blah blah" just because I thought they were different ideas, even though it's a continuation of the same line. so perhaps show that somehow they're connected? i dunno how you'd do that...hm. You know the whole "all for you" SPACE "you the ugly-girl blah blah blah"? Well, of course you do, it's your poem. But anyway, I don't think the "you" in the beginning of the...what is that...6th line...is necessary. that might help the flow. And - question - is there supposed to be a period or something at the very end? I could see that helping end it. with more finality. if that's a word...finality. X} I realy love this poem besides those two things, though. I love the ending lines and all of the ideas expressed in this. very pretty. :D ~HQ~
LuckyCharm.698 2007-07-03 ch 1,	abuseA very deep delve into the apple metaphor. Very enjoyable and again very raw
none of burt's beeswax 2007-04-23 ch 1,	abusesuch fabulous imagery. i love the reference to that ancient greek myth. the pretty-girl repetition creates such a nice flow. i can't tell if there's something more in that last line, though. maybe it's just the words "eat it" but it sounds a little bit like a skewed love, perhaps due to this appearence inequality?
diffident 2007-04-16 ch 1,	abuseExperimental? I think most of what you do is experimental. Our lives are experiments. But this is lovely, so very lovely, and inspiring, and delicious, and so sweet. I probably won't be able to explain why I like this so much, but I do. marie
Zero-Sum 2007-04-11 ch 1,	abusean experiemnt with a beautiful outcome! i do believe you were writing about every and any girl. the way you descirbe each character is so specific but so general, like this could be you, trying something new and being unsure. (that of course is only my interpretation.) "bites her lips so hard they bleed because like that, you fall in love (over coffee)" (^ that one's me.) :P
Faithless Juliet 2007-03-17 ch 1,	abuseI think fruit in general is very sexy; it's filled with life, and I think that giving a source of life to your lover is very induring and sexy all at once. Dazzling. Juliet.
Holly Rose E 2007-02-23 ch 1,	abuseThe word choices in this are brill. The repitition of pretty-girl throughout the beginning, the single use of ugly-girl, the repititon of "over coffee" twice in one line seems masterful instead of weak. The last line reeks of sex and it makes me shiver of how... almost dirty it seems - what with the force being exerted. wonderful.
simpleplan13 2007-02-14 ch 1,	abuseI like this... the ending is creepy, but beautifully done
st. maverick 2007-02-07 ch 1,	abuseso terribly tortured with a painfully masterful ending. It's the mirror of Adam and Eve, with coffee strewn in randomly and an image of Picasso-shredded lips. another amazing piece.
cocaine and cherries 2007-02-01 ch 1,	abusei like how rushedmoment this is, like your trying to fit all this thought and emotion into the two minutes that the other person is in the bathroom. and when they come back, you just aren't ready. erm. yeah. :D
synapse collapse 2007-01-20 ch 1,	abuseM I lovelovelovelove this. The idea of the Apple is so clever. And the whole thing, it just all ties together and m. rereads
no.peace.los.angeles 2007-01-18 ch 1,	abuseOh, very nice. All the symbolism with the apple is nice, and then the idea of falling in love over coffee is great, as well. I love a good femmeslash piece. Nice work. Keep writing! :)
poet tree 2007-01-14 ch 1,	abuseI love the way this flows, and the symbolism of the apple (original sin, right?). The last line is excellent, it seems so bitter. Good job!
Arcane D. 2007-01-09 ch 1,	abuseFINALLY! A POST! Looks like I wasn't the only one lagging up updates. >_>;; In any case... this poem portrays a tasty, juicy, and an invigorating bad taste in my mouth. Hmm... what's the word i'm looking for? Ah, yes... deliciously bitter. I'll see you on your next update. - ADD-san
corner of your heart 2007-01-08 ch 1,	abuseYou always have such wonderful contrasts. "you the ugly-girl that bruises easily and bites her lips so hard they bleed because like that, you fall in love" That line is... unbelivable. It tastes so good. I love the ending. And now I want an apple. ;) Keep being beautiful.

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