Sad poem. Nice title.

Good job.

~Twilight Starr~

on the contrary, i LOVE how there is not a definite form at first glance.
its not spaced, into neat little quatraines.
but it still has a flow, with the commas, that give it that STATEMENT effect.

i read it almost like a letter, something distinct, readable, liek a newspaper, and then i read it again, seeing the words and the commas to all prove this poetic point, but not really skipping around the subject, at hand.

i dont know, maybe im completely off course.
but i like it just the way it is.

I love how helpless you make this sound, especially the 'functions of have beens and would have's and...should've beens' as well as 'i never learned what you didn't teach'. It's a short, concise but very sharp-edged piece, and very powerful. I like the contrast between the way you put the two title lines...you make the second one sound much more firm with the use of a full-stop. However, I feel that the first line is far too long: it would sound much better if you separated the two with a semi-colon or something (like maybe: "there's a hole in the bottom of your world that i tend to fall through, not by choice though; why would i ever choose to disappear, never surface again (?) to suffer so terribly by the fate of a friend? This is just a suggestion, I love this piece anyway!

oh.

wow.

that is really good.

it makes me feel all... really really really sad inside? but it is still good. I can't really talk right now though.

because I am in my teacher's classroom.

and their are... tourists here.

so

ah...

um.

i love lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove this.

tata

i would seriously love this better if there was a format to it.

This would work much better with line breaks. I read it as such:

there's a hole in the bottom of your world
that i tend to fall through,
not by choice though,
why would i ever choose to disapear,
never surface again,
to suffer so terribly,
by the fate of a friend?

there's a hole in the bottom of your world
i tend to fall through.
it's not much of anything,
but i don't mean to.
i can't even cluster together
the functions of have beens
and would have's
and nevers could've
and should've beens.

there's nothing that annoys me
more than falling sideways
outside your door,
i'm grasping but
i just can't reach,
i never learned what
you didn't teach.

A tip: To get stanzas on here without having to use lines, after you upload your story go to the quick edit/preview. There, backspace all the spaces that fictionpress creates and then enter in your own stanza breaks. It's a little tricky but it should work.

Also, your punctuation is good and your idea nice. However do you need all the "and"s? Also why no capitalisation?

Otherwise interesting piece.

.:midnight:.