FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Artemis Anderson 2007-10-02 ch 1,  | abuseWell done |
| bratja 2007-03-13 ch 1, | abuseThis was really nice; I liked it a lot, especially the last few lines: "mirror images of / our mistakes and pain / its ohso obvious now that /good girls grow up to be / bad whores" |
| nighthuntress05 2007-03-02 ch 1, | abuseNot quite nostalgic, not quite wistful, but something along the lines of "what have we done?". I especially love the line: mirror images of/ our mistakes and pain Well done. |
| Symphany is lyrical bliss 2007-01-16 ch 1, | abuseI really liked this one; i felt like i could totally relate. You always tell yourself, "i'll never be like them" and low and behold, life can get the better of you. It happens to all of us. |
| hateandkill-D 2007-01-07 ch 1, | abuseCool! i like this! Great job! |
| a lonely september 2007-01-06 ch 1, | abusethis is so sad . i can almost .taste. the nostalgic feeling in this... it's so sad and so gorgeous. 'we would chase fireflies and we only cried over / skinned knees / and broken dolls / never broken hearts. . . ' it's wonderful. good girls grow up to be bad whores. and bad girls? makes you think. |
| Midnight In Eden 2007-01-02 ch 1, | abuseI would really love to see this punctuated. As it is, you almost rush the reader through too quick. I want time to ponder and pause. The "ohno" feels a bit immature, I think it might work better if it were more drawn out, a little more melancholy instead of sarcastic. I'm not sure about the copious "ands" either. Periods would probably work better I think. For the italics at the end, do you think you really need them? You're already emphasising "bad whores" with it's own line. Interesting imagery however and a good idea behind it. Hopefully this was helpful. .:midnight:. |