This seems rather interesting. But you didn't put that much detail into it, especially the short second part. You can add that in when you're doing the chapter story.

"Wanna Play?"
You know there is some affinity between YOU AND ME. . . you may never know. . . I may be too innocent. . . but I'm very much willing to continue your story.
Looking forward to you. . . WHERE WILL WE PLAY?

I'm waiting. . .

Oh my! It's amazing how a piece so short can be so chilling. I wish to know more about this girl's background and this game as well, and yes it would be great if you turned this into a novel. I want to save this in my favorites so bad, but I feel as though I shouldn't because it needs more elaboration. Great story though.

Interesting story. It does need a little work. Would like to know more about Lily's background. Is she meant to be a spirit, demon, or something else? I would like to know why she haunts this particular prison. This could work as a stand alone piece. You leave the reader hanging so that they want more. That shows promise.

I would also like to know what 'game' that she played with the guard. I'd put more description there.

Its rather short.. I think you need to re-do this and put more into it. It is good. You just need to put more into it.

This was an intersting story. Honestly, it kinda freaked me out. And, you made the character so cold, that I kind of hate the little girl, even though she is supposed to be a cute innocent child, which I think is what you meant for people to feel. And, since you got that feeling going, honestly, I wouldn't try to make this short story in a novel. I like it just the way it is. Sometimes, it's like you shouldn't go any deeper into it. Like you have to keep it short and mysterious in order for it to chill the reader to the bone. And, if that's what you intended to do, then you sure did a good job. I like it.

Peace and Love

~> Lited-
-Or The Story Is In The Soil Keep Your Ear To The Ground

Wow! That's really chilling. I get the vibe that she looks so innocent and normal, but so creepy and decieving at the same time. I really think you can do a lot with this. I'd like to know more about this little girl, please do write more!