FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Dehydrated Hyena 2007-03-20 ch 1,  | abuseDespite it's seemingly cliche elements, this poem really resonates. The rhythm is so good, I almost feel like it should be a song. I like the break between "faded... stars." and "Sorry Philadelphia." The idea of instability in the house comes across, the last line is kind of overkill. But overall, phenomenal poem. |
| spiderfly 2007-01-05 ch 1, | abuseThe first two lines create a beautiful setting for the rest of the poem and you really build on the original imagery. I like how you address Philadelphia, and there is an abstract quality about your poetry. In saying 'dead like stars' you really go the opposite way from the norm, and I like how you use stars in a different context. The final line just sums it up perfectly. Beautiful poem. My favourite of yours so far. |
| Eleanor Gibson 2007-01-03 ch 1, | abuseInteresting idea, I must say. It wasn't what I expected, and I like that. Way to write the unexpected, -Ellie |
| Smoky Bear 2007-01-03 ch 1, | abusebest thing i've read tonight! it's a fantastic metaphor weaved around vivid imagery and delicate rhyme. the opening lines envoke so much. well done. |