Yuuji's denial was so very entertaining. No, I take that back. It was very sweet and totally adorable. When he first stated that he had comparison issues, I was totally ready to find that he would compare people to either of the Mai's in his life. When he said that the girl that he "wasn't in love with" was the only other friend that he and Takumi had, I knew that it wasn't either of them, though. That's when I figured out that he had a crush a Fuu... which, to be completely honest, kind of surprised me. In Blue Star, he didn't come of as having a crush of any sort for Fuu until their little scenes later on in the story. But anyway, it wasn't an upleasant surprise (it was completely welcome).

I'll mention one last time, *wags a warning finger in your direction*, I think that Takumi's just plain adorable. There. Now don't feel obliged to make him loveable anymore. Got it?

...

I kid. ^^ But really, I do think that he's amusing. I crack a huge smile when it comes to him and I look forward to seeing him much more often in the story.

Fuu... what ever is there to say about wonderful, spunky Fuu? *blows out a breath* I love her. Really, I do. She compliments Yuuji like no one else. I love the fact that she's so down to earth--it makes Yuuji's lovesick attitude for her stand out. The fact that they can both trade witticisms at the drop of a hat is great--as emphasized by their requests to be dates at the end of the chapter. My are they both so very clever! ;)

-=+=-Concrit-=+=-

"And I had every intention of enjoying it by... I dunno. Lying around and appreciating the silence, I guess."

The second sentence is a fragment and, to tell you the truth, can easily be attached to the first sentence. Not very major, but I felt like pointing it out. *shrugs*

I would mention the tenses again, but I'm sure that you get tired of me harping on it. LOL XD

The length of the sentences didn't really bother me so much in this chapter but the choppiness was still there. For the next chapter be aware of that. ^^ I won't comment very much on it because I don't want to come off as whiny. LOL

Other than that... well, yeah. I love this chapter (as always). Do you ever get sick of hearing that from me? *grins* Til the next update, Sarah~

*I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might~Kryptonite*
-=.All nice and fuzzy things aside.=-
~-=.+.=-~ Maggy ~-=.+.=-~

Hmm... I really liked the way that you've organized this fic so far. Starting out before Yuuji's death, switching ahead to a time when he's familiar with being in Deathrose, and then progressing to when he woke up after his death actually flows pretty well despite my first thoughts.

I'm finding Yuuji to be more and more interesting as the story progresses and that's a good thing. Sometimes, focusing in on one person for a first-person narrative can get boring after a while because... well, the persons thoughts are right there on the page. There's nothing to guess about the persons thoughts or their actions--although it can be positive for the characters who aren't narrating.

Mai's definitely a sweet character. During Blue Star, I didn't think that I got a clear enough image of her. From this one chapter alone, however, I could see her personality clearly and distinctly.

There are only a few things that I want to mention for this chapter, however.

First of all, the tenses seem to squick you. ^^ That's okay--every author struggles with them. Just keep in mind when you're editing to search out those silly grammar-defiers. I know that that's an area that I always need to look for when I'm writing, so I can identify with you.

The only other mistake that I noticed was the fact that you tend to use very short sentences and phrases (meaning lots of commas and periods). I have trouble with commas myself. I'll bet that if I go back and read HS it'd be riddled with commas everywhere. One thing that I've always been advised to do, and what I'm going to tell to you as well, is to experiment with many varying sentence lengths. Try using long sentences that (while grammatically correct) don't have (m)any commas at all. At the same time, mix the long sentences up with your traditional sentences--short ones and the long ones that are cut up into smaller phrases. Believe you me, if you do that then your writing will have an irressistable flow. :)

Well, those are my comments for now and the concrit that I gave you concerned the only mistakes that I could find. Wonderful chapter, Sarah.

*smiles*

Thanks for the "Welcome Back", Sarah! ^^ This review will be later than I intended to turn it in; I'm getting caught up in watching American Idol and Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.

Well, since I'm trying to train my eyes to spot mistakes (for when I edit my story) I want to at least attempt concrit. I've been able to do it before on FF.N, but I'm kind of skeptical if I can find much to comment on here in your fic, Sarah. Here goes nothing (it's the only mistake that I could find):

This mistake is one that I absolutely abhor. Changing tenses. *nods* Yes, those ugly buggers known as past, present, and future. Here's what you wrote:

"Heck, maybe I should turn it into a profession. I hate to admit it sometimes, but Takumi really was a great photographer. The shots he takes of people in general always turned out great... even those of an uncooperative me. Because of that, I had lots of great material to put in our family's scrapbook."

I wish that I could bold the mistake spots, but I can't. If you read it slowly, though (and it would help if it was out loud), you can hear the akwardness of the switched tenses. Often, it's hard to spot this kind of mistake during the time that you spend revising (hence my utter hatred towards it). Here's the best way that I would correct that little tense mess-up (I'll capitalize the edits that I inserted):

"Heck, maybe I should turn it into a profession. I hateD to admit it sometimes, but Takumi really was a great photographer. The shots he tOOk of people in general always turned out great... even those of an uncooperative me. Because of that, I had lots of great material to put in our family's scrapbook."

Thankfully, the tense mess-up wasn't bad at all and was actually pretty easy to correct once you know what's wrong with the sentence, of course.

I have fallen in love with Takumi. XD Why? Because he "denies," if you can even call it that, only thinking about money by admitting that besides money he also thinks about... well... money. And all that while posing and taking pictures of himself. Yes, I definitely love him. He's an interesting character. Stroke of genius, Sarah, stroke of genius. _<

Anyway, I only slept two hours last night, and I'm really tired tonight. Expect to see me back here tomorrow, kay? ^o^

*lotsa huggles and a teddy bear for you*

-=+=-Maggy d-=+=-

Woah dang and oh, shebang! It's been a while since I've been over here on FP.C.

Anyway, I love the prologe for this. It's been a while since I've read Blue Star, but isn't Yuuji the one that liked Fuu? And Mai isn't really related to him, is she? *scratches head* Sometimes, I find it very easy to hate my poor memory.

Despite my questions I like the way that this story begins. In a way, the interaction occuring here between Yuuji and Mai reminds me Aishiteruze Baby. ^^ To be completely honest, the prologue is already endearing the story to me.

I'll comment more when I find a spot that I want to talk about. Great idea, Sarah.

*huggles and hands you a cookie*

Excellent!
I really like Fuu, she is just as Yuuji is describing her, down to earth and real. Its funny how Yuuji keeps zoning out everytime she starts talking to him.
I know I've commented before on the first person thing but I have to say it again, you do an excellent job of it! Yuuji's personality is comming through well, and already I feel attached to the character.
-Spa

Great chapter!
I really felt the emotions of Yuuji and the anger he had toward Youko.
Loved the attitude Youku had and the ruthless way he explained the death to Yuuji was excellent. A character one can really hate. Love those.

More please =D
*Favorites*

Hand clap for an excellent chapter!

The characters seem to be real in their voices and actions. I think the relationship between Mai and Yuuji, though a little odd, sweet/heart warming.

Please please continue this! I really love it! It was all written very well. You gave just the right amount of details at the right which is hard for some people (some people just put everything bluntly in the first paragraph or not at all) THE SUSPENCE IS KILLING ME~!

Inticing. I find the way you ended your first chapter to be quite the wrist grab for the audience, I anticipate more.

Also, I enjoy the first person veiw, it adds more feeling to the story. The italics are in the perfect places for emphasis.