FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| XxInDreamsWeRestxX 2008-05-26 ch 4,  | abuseI'm a little confused about the chapter title of this story. Terrence didn't explain anything lol. He just yelled...a lot. Why is Anita so guilty anyway? I thought telling someone the truth freed you. |
| XxInDreamsWeRestxX 2008-05-26 ch 3, | abuseWell at least she's not lying to the poor guy anymore. |
| XxInDreamsWeRestxX 2008-05-26 ch 2, | abuseSo if she doesn't love Terrence, why does she continue to lie and say she does? I've always hated that about girls lol. I'll never understand why we pretend to love people just to spare them. But, at least, this is believable. |
| XxInDreamsWeRestxX 2008-05-26 ch 1, | abuseI really liked that, though it was a bit rushed and some of the words didn't mesh, I guess, but I liked it. By the way, I have a story called Give Me Your Right Hand and I'd like you to check it out. |
| outsidersgirl 2007-09-17 ch 4, | abusethis is good |
| HuniBunchoSoul 2007-09-05 ch 4, anon. | abuseaww...poor Terrence. I think I like this chapter most of all, because it was so insightful and in depth with a character previously thought of as shallow. Though we now know what we do about him, I wonder if he really was cheating on Anita with some girl in fifth period. Probably not, I don't know. I think Jason and Jeanella (sp?) are interesting, but a little 2-D...What do they look like, what are some of their personality traits, you know? Anita, although just a little cliche, is relatable. I like her, because she's flawed and human. I mean, we all are. But anyway, nice story; it'd be just a little bit better if it were expanded...but like I said, the fourth chapter was really good. My fave. All right, I guess I'm done witht the blabbering. Have a nice day :D Ciao! |
| FHJL88 2007-05-24 ch 4, | abuseThis is really good. Update soon! |
| CHIIJOY 2007-04-18 ch 4, | abuseI love this story and want to see what happens with her and Jason. Update soon.=) |
| Lady Shaiye 2007-04-17 ch 4, anon. | abuseOhh, that bitch! I feel so sorry for Terrence, but hey, he's the stupid one to not see through her oreo-ness. Anyway, this is a good story and all but it lacks details and descriptions. I'm sure I would have felt more for Anita, if you described the scenery better. For instance, the rain scene. You could have added more to it, how the rain felt to her skin, or how dark it was, or even describe the whole lighning/thunder thing. Everything actually could have gotten more details, the thing about your story is. You carry it out with dialogue and the reader get whats going on from what they are saying. Not the best way to write any fanfiction/fictional piece. Where you explained how Terrence felt, you could have allowed him to do some sort of action that showed it. Like hitting the window with his fist or the steering wheel. Something that would express anger. Show, don't tell. |
| mrskelley 2007-04-15 ch 4, | abuseBout time the truth came out. Great Update! |
| stranger with your doorkey 2007-02-17 ch 3, | abuseyay! she finally told him!! update soon! |
| mrskelley 2007-02-14 ch 3, | abusebout time she told him |
| mrskelley 2007-02-12 ch 2, | abuseGreat update! |
| Countessrim 2007-02-11 ch 2, | abuseoh! This sounds good! What does Jason look like? Is he scene, emo, goth, or perhaps preppy/jock? Keep going and update soon plz! |
| Stopthepress27 2007-02-11 ch 2, | abuseYour going on my favorites! I LOVE the plot and story line Very Nice! UPDATE SOON |