Reviews for Evil Mail - FictionPress.com

Flyyboy06
2007-01-04
ch 9,

abusenow that i finished this story i can give you a full review.i posted another review about halfway through but i'm not sure if it went through so if some things get repeated,bear w/me.the story itself had a good premise but it was VERY anticlimactic.this really didn't need to be rated M&could've gone in the young adult category...it wasn't really horror.

the characters were all shallow.i never really grew to like any of them.the dialogue was pretty wooden in most parts.there wasn't any variety w/the characters,they were all the same.kind of dumb too since it took them forever to figure out that they were being targeted by someone.the ending was kind of predictable and boring.erick's was random and didn't evoke any emotion from me...he hadn't even been in the story much before his death and when he was,he wasn't doing anything mean like the rest of the crew.melinda's vengeance seemed a little off.why KILL erick,someone who really had done nothing to her,but yet ppl like isabella and ameris who throw rocks at her and push her into pools live?after something bad happens to the characters,you then try and go back and explain their relationship[ameris and her mom/verity and erick--nothing was said about their close relationships until after the mom was paralyzed&in verity's case,after erick was dead].this made it hard to care about what had happened to them.

i was expecting a bigger ending w/melinda confronting ameris and the rest of the survivors...but that's only b/c this is under the horror section.if it was under the young adult section or even thriller i would have been fine w/the way it ended.also,and the last thing i'm going to point out,small details kind of made the story seemed rushed...such as high-school seniors buying beer from walgreens?they aren't legal so how exactly are they getting beer?homecoming traditionally doesn't occur until late september/october,not the first weekend of school.track is a spring sport...it doesn't begin in the fall,so why was melinda trying out for it at that time?i know i may sound nitpicky but i'm just trying to point things out to you so that your next story improves.you seem to really enjoy writing and that's all that matters.as i stated before,you aren't a terrible writer--you just need more experience/practice.i hope i helped and if you have any questions then feel free to e-mail/pm me,okay?

David

Flyyboy06
2007-01-04
ch 1,

abusehi =] so i really like the idea of this story.however,based on the first chapter it could definitely use some work.i don't know if you meant for every character to be completely unlikable but they are.i think your story would be more effective if you gave ameris and her friends some good qualities as well--they seem like cardboard cutouts of the "mean popular" kids in teen movies.also,the way they were introduced was bland and they all kind of ran together.because they were all introduced by just stating their name&extracurricular activities,it's hard to even tell most of them apart.Also,there's a lot of grammar mistakes[mainly just missing commas]that kind of detract from the story.when a new character speaks you should start a new paragraph...the whole story kind of runs together and gets kind of annoying to read after a while.i know you have talent though,your writing just needs a little more polish and organization.again,i like the plot idea,so if you just work on the things i've mentioned this could really be good.sorry if i came off mean or like a know-it-all,that wasn't my intention i just think those are some suggestions you could take to help improve your writing.have a good day =]
David

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