Hmm...the paragraphs are very monotonous in length, and there is too much dialogue - it almost seems as if nothing is happening. Nothing important seems to have revealed itself in the chapter either.

You could also try to make the ending stronger if you intend to end a chapter. If nothing's happening that's interesting enough to end a chapter strongly, don't end it there.

Good day :)

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The first paragraph starts with too many 'she's. Not just as the start of a sentence, but it's always 'she' at the beginning of each idea. It would be a good idea to vary your sentence structure.

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"‘Her letter said she was fine, but I hate her being out on her own. And I miss her. Dammit! Stop this, she may be your adopted sister, but that’s no reason to fret constantly about her. She’s a grown woman…’"

This is a thought. The way it's written might be a little too blunt. For example, instead of "I hate her being out..." you can say something along the lines of, "What on EARTH is she doing out there?" It's more like a thought, and it implies that he doesn't like it. But when you state it that obviously in thought, it may read very unnaturally to the reader.

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"His short, blond hair a mess; pale blue eyes shining; and he was too short, only 5'4, to look his 21 years."

A little overuse on the semicolon, and plus, they should be used when that part of your sentence can stand alone as a complete sentence on its own. Right now, only the "and he..." part can. I suggest that you reword the whole thing. Use more conjunctions if need be.

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"The tips of his Elven ears peaked though his hair a little. Jonathan smiled; they had always told the town people it was just a weird birth defect."

'Peeked' would be the word you're looking for. Also, semicolons join sentences with related ideas. Although we have an idea why Jonathan smiled, it may be better to add something along the lines of him smiling at the gullible townspeople. That, however, would be completely opinion.

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"‘They’d sooner hang him than accept him as a half-blood Elf. Jonathan chuckled. Oh well, it hasn’t been a problem so far. They’re easy to fool. And I’m glad for that, I don’t know what I’d do without him.’"

Again, it's a bit too blunt. The only thing that would probably be worth keeping is the part about Jonathan not being able to do without Daniel. You can try to incorporate the hanging part into the previous paragraph. (e.g. "Jonathan smiled at the thought of the gullible townspeople, which was probably just as well; they would sooner hang him than accept him as a half-blood Elf.")

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"“Jon? You’re freaking me out, stop smiling at me and say something.”"

Comma would probably be best off as a full stop.

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"Everything’s fine on my end, I suppose I should visit you back home soon."

I suggest one of two things - add 'although' or synonyms after the comma or you split the sentence. I personally prefer the former option.

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"Like, Daniel, why haven't you gone for him."

A question mark would be more fitting. I would suggest editing the punctuation to something along the lines of, "Like Daniel! Why haven't you gone for him?"

Reading on, it seems you're missing question marks from a few other places too.

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Your sentences can become a little monotonous. You tend to start them with pronouns a lot. That's not the main problem though - the main problem is that when you do, you follow them with many more sentences of the same sentence structure. Try to vary it.

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"“Terran, a pleasure to meet you.”"

This is mostly a matter of personal opinion. But first things first - this gives the impression that she's calling Daniel Terran and that it's nice to meet this 'Terran' guy.

Personally, I think it would be better if you wrote something more clear, like, "I'm Terran. It's a pleasure to meet you."

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Have a nice day, and happy writing :)

What's with all of the suggestive themes? Are the main characters gay? If not, please stop making it seem that way, it's very weird and confusing. Also, don't use modern words and terms in a fantasy setting such as, "hook up", and "i'll fire you", and also "fuck". Say words like "bugger" instead. It makes the world seem more real. Other than that, I'd say that you have good writting skills. I've added this story to my favorites. I will be checking back to read the new chapters, so keep it up.

hmm... this is pretty good... yay! This is the first review I'v given on this site! Anyway, I'm gonna be watchin this story...

[This review might double up - I was presented with a "Page Can not be displayed" message, so I had to resend]

Pretty image, but this needs more emotions, and more powerful descriptions – something to root the reader down, and let them understand why they are reading, you know? Could you throw a simile/metaphor in there, and let us know what she is feeling? Is she afraid of the edge of the forest, or is that the place she is trying to get to for safety?

I understand that you wanted a mysterious vibe – but rather than ruining that enigmatic feel, showing the feelings of the character would add to it.

Oh my, someone tie me down, I can hardly contain myself from the suspense!

...NOT.

Look, normally I try to be nice about these things, but this is just plain disappointing. If you're going to try and pull off a short prologue like that, at least MAKE IT INTERESTING. This just screams "RIPPED FROM A BAD RPG!!"

I'm sorry, but there's just nothing interesting about it. At all. Sure, there's a woman in the forest. And she's wearing a cloak. Big whoop.

Oh, and by the way, there is NO "E" in "wolf."

~Riley