Reviews for Angels of the Past

Reviews For: Angels of the Past - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

PrettiestWretchedWhore 2008-05-06 ch 5,	abuseI'll be the weird one, and say this is by far my least favourite chapter yet (sorry!) I really liked how you said "exsusest" instead of what I assumed meant exhausted, that made my day. :P But really you sicken me with all your sentimental love crap. The magic of love? is crying from laughing so hard That's nice. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. It was still good, just cheesy. Well ta!♥
PrettiestWretchedWhore 2008-05-04 ch 4,	abuseDo you even read these things after you're done? >_< Well other than grammar (I know I've said that a billion times, deal with it,) it was great. I especially liked the end, clique but effective. Well sayonara!&hearts:
PrettiestWretchedWhore 2008-05-04 ch 3,	abuseReviewing again because I am such a nice person. =] Actually I just like this story. One issue other than usual grammage: "The first guard hit the floor in a spray of blood with his head a few feat away, the second attempted to swipe Tazarkul’s legs, was easily parried then impaled on Tazarkul’s blade. " Passive voice!! EWW! Sorry :P But overall very well done.♥
PrettiestWretchedWhore 2008-05-04 ch 2,	abuseAnother amazing chapter. ^_^ Other than the fact that it was a grammatical eyesore it was quite entertaining. The depth of the plot was excellent. I love how Tazarkul is so rude, it reminds me of someone I know. :P Anyway still good!♥
PrettiestWretchedWhore 2008-05-03 ch 1,	abuseOkay I'm going to restrain myself from correcting all the grammar mistakes. I had forgotten how good this story is. ^_^ The descriptions are intense. Other than grammar this is written beautifully. Well anyways just thought I would review because you were bitching about your 21 reviews... Mutters curses under breathe Well anyway good job!♥
Mercyette 2008-02-01 ch 1,	abuseThis is rather an interesting start. I love your vivid descriptions of what seems a desolate landscape. I liked the note you ended the chapter on. It really makes the reader wnat more. The only thing I might suggest is longer chapters. Your writing is wonderful and sometimes we arnt a little more out of the chapter. ;) Oh, and I hope you NaNoWriMo was successful! Great start.
Halfbloodlycan 2008-01-27 ch 3,	abuseReview Marathon! As they hit the line of spears Tazarkul swung the blade of no return smashing apart the spears closest to him then, jumping from his horse, he cut the arm from the nearest guard causing the rest of them to scatter in fear. That is one long sentence. Maybe you could try and shorten it into two and check commas. the stack of (boxes) He jumped to his (feet) The battle sequences appear well written with the details. The fact that it was a woman was rather surprising.
Halfbloodlycan 2008-01-27 ch 2,	abuseYeah, I'm back from the Review marathon (link in my profile) (Sorry, It's required today XD) but was lost (in) the folds of time. trousers that fit because it (is what) you are By the way did the darkness suddenly become light? It seemed as if the sun just came from nowhere, but I could have just missed something. and the rasping (started) again Also I think it may be a good idea to break up the story Heletos is telling to make it seem like he’s stopping in between, If you know what I mean. And try to be consistent with your spelling. Pick one way you want to spell armor/ armour and stick with it. I really like how the flashback comes in. Also, you do well in describing the location but I have yet to figure out what Tazarkul looks like. Although if it’s later on then I’ll find out.
Halfbloodlycan 2008-01-27 ch 1,	abuseIt's the day of the Review Marathon! Woot! (link in my profile) Okay so this begins my obligation. My first suggestion is that you maybe look through your story and check over the spelling. Since there are a few minor spelling errors. For example: The landscape was arid and baron. Baron should be barren. donned his (armour) himself should be one word All together this was a nice opening. I like the detail, it has a nice balance of detail and dialogue.
Unbeknownst 2008-01-26 ch 1,	abuseOK, this isn't bad, especially considering it was done for NaNoWriMo, but it's not perfect, either. 1). You've got numerous minor spelling/grammar errors, from the first line on. "Barren," not "baron"--and you've got lots of sentence fragments, as well as run-ons. Consider proofreading before you put it up, or getting someone to beta for you. 2). Phrasing in some of your lines is slightly awkward--"might permit the land a lifeline in the form of life giving rain," for instance, doesn't flow very well, and is repetitive. You don't need to pull out a thesaurus, but it's definitely worth a thought--just make sure to use words you know the meaning for. 3). I would include the meaning of the non-English words as a footnote at the end of the chapter--as it is right now, it breaks up the sentence, and is rather jarring to read. Again, it's not bad, especially for something written for NaNoWriMo. With a little proofreading, it could be really great.
Equilibrium 2008-01-25 ch 26,	abuseSorry i never reviewed this for such a long time. It was mainly because i'm always rather trepidated about longish stories, due to my pathetic attention span. Well, on the whole, i must say that taking a look at this long story was SO worth it. It's one of the better NaNoWriMo's i've come across. I love 'the valley of random things', the time travel, the crazy multi-floors and vending machines, the invisible nakedness, and best of all... YOU MENTIONED THE ARENA!! Woho! That was such a creative touch! I absolutely went crazy over it. This is going on my alert list. I hope you're still updating it.
Toxin89 2007-11-05 ch 3,	abusebarrio = barrier feat = feet I didn't like the part in the beginning about the horse, you should have mentioned that before. Still as usual I liked it.
Toxin89 2007-11-05 ch 2,	abuseMore grammer errors, spell check is your friend. :) Life's = Lives id = I'd There were about 2 or 3 more, but those two are all I remember without looking back. Your description is still great, but work on the dialogue, try not to make it so repetitive in some areas. Also, the way Tazarkul acted around Heletos seemed kinda rude at times, that may be his personality, but if he was a soldier of some sort he should know how to act around people of a higher rank. Either way I liked it. Good job.
Toxin89 2007-11-05 ch 1,	abuseThere were a few spots that weren't spelled correctly. Like "Amour" you mant 'armour' right? When you type "to much" I think it's supposed to be "too" The parts where the soldiers "yell" I assume, you put "year". All in all it was great. Your description is superb. Nice.
Ofir 2007-10-09 ch 1,	abuseThe prologue is short and concise, which I like. Your description is good, but you must use shorter sentences. Some simply carry on, without end, even when a period, or a colon, is needed. For example: The sun bore down with a relentless might baking all that stood in its path, this desert land was its domain and it’s to rule alone, no life would be sustained here. -not 'a relentless might.' no "a" is needed. -a comma after might -after path, a period, or a colon. -why the difference in the two its? it's? -after alone, a semicolon is needed. and in your first/second sentence, as like...it means the same thing. choose one another thing: The sky was clear and blue as like most days with not a cloud in the sky that might permit the land a lifeline in the form of life giving rain. I do not understand this sentence. when you say to much war, etc, it is "too." the adverbs for skill and faith are redundant. your meaning is understood without them it is armour, not amour (which means love in French) The name of the blade is cliche. i think it would add a sense of mystery if you did not tell us the meaning of the name right away. we get a vague impression of what's going on. with an improved grammar and less cliche in the writing, i would probably forgo my work and continue on (cliches such as the men who had seen too much war. i want to hear good things. like determination). good luck

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