Reviews for It's Better if you Go: a Brendon Urie Story

Reviews For: It's Better if you Go: a Brendon Urie Story

hispanicatthedisco 2008-07-29 ch 1,	abuseYou should lessen the extra stuff cause it makes it boring. Maybe just stick to what the chapter's supposed to say. :)
CookieEqualsGood 2008-04-26 ch 17,	abuseshe cant have sex if shes on her period
ReadWriteLive 2008-03-16 ch 1,	abuseJust found your story and wanted to give a few pointers: first, run spell check before you post second, "I tears rolling down my cheeks as I thought about the years I would have to come with out my brother to protect me from Ricky, our step-father , not to mention that this was our first real fight that we have ever had. Besides when I was three and he was six and he stole my Barbie and ripped its head off." I believe that would read better as "I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I thought about the years I would have to endure without my brother to protect me from Ricky, our abusive step-father. This was also our first fight since I was three and he was six, and he stole my Barbie and ripped her head off." Also, if he's 3 years older than her and there are truely problems, he can adopt her when he turns 18. "I walked into Strathmore Academy. An all private school that’s paid for my brother and me by my fathers will." instead of a period after "academy", put a comma and then lower case "an" "knee length navy blue skirt that was only hiked up to around my upper thighs" remove "only" and "around" for this phrase to read: "knee length navy blue skirt that was hiked up to my upper thighs" (or even change "hiked up" to "rolled up") "hairy arms and legs. shrieks." shrikes? where did that come from? You have some issues with using commas and periods. Check on the sentences to make sure it is all correct. “Sorry Hun.” He said ash he kissed my cheek. reads better as: "Sorry hon," he murmured as he kissed my cheek. "He had friends from just about any “click”. " clique...not click and I'd reword the whole paragraph as: "Drake had friends from basically every clique. He was made fun of several times for associating with me, his unpopular, weird, little sister. But he always stood up for me and it was usually just me, him and occasionally Brendon at the lunch table." "but I couldn’t stand all these “popular” people staring at me, as I ate" if Drake has friends from every clique, why would it just be "popular" people at the table...? "oh" not "o" "knew" not "new" "won't" not "wont" you also drop words, miss commas, some sentences don't make sense... new relationship between Drake and Hazel but they are already trading "I Love You's"? When they yell, you don't have to USE CAPS...instead, just use the handy ! mark. Also, abuse makes it easier to get a divorce, not harder. anyway hope those comments help you..good luck writing
outsidersgirl 2007-10-05 ch 1,	abusea good start
your so lace 2007-06-26 ch 1,	abuseThese stories are not allowed on Fictionpress. You'd have to go to
5starmom 2007-03-31 ch 1,	abuseGood Start..nice attention getter (need to get a better editer ;)) despite the errors I really like the story...on to Chapter 2
monkey08 2007-01-29 ch 19,	abuseCAN'T TAKE THE KID FROM THE FIGHT TAKE THE FIGHT FROM THE KID sorry i've been singing that all day...but that has to be one of the greatest story's i've ver read it's awsome ccan't wait for the next one... i bet he'gonna come back with panic at the disco isn't he? but what i ment by help was if u need any help coming up wwith idea's i could help u with that lol well can't want 4 the next one bye
monkey08 2007-01-22 ch 15,	abuseomg the hole time i was reading i was like omg...no...omg really...she's what no way... it was funny but yea i still love it and i still think it's awsome update son if u need any help let me know
monkey08 2007-01-22 ch 12,	abuseomg honor had me crying update soon can't wait it's awsome still
monkey08 2007-01-11 ch 9,	abuselets get these teen harts beating faster faster, i love panic at the discovupdate soon

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