FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| FaithMemory 2007-02-02 ch 1,   | touching one... |
| Inu-midoriko 2007-01-26 ch 1, | I think you are totally write. Words sting more than punches. Good job. |
| dustytiger 2007-01-23 ch 1, | i think, how true, thank you for the review, sorry life's been crazy of late, and i don't have much time for chatting anymore, but it's nice to see that you're still writing and taking time to read my peices it means a lot |
| Sbradley1987 2007-01-18 ch 1, | Very good and so true. If you were willing to make any changes, I would maybe the line breaks. I think it can flow better. You might think about add some periods and commas. |
| Midnight In Eden 2007-01-10 ch 1, | First off, you've got some really interesting ideas in this, it's just your formatting that's letting you down. I'd recommend first off, punctuating the whole piece especially since you use a question mark at the end. It's just too long to be one sentence and I feel that this piece needs place to pause. A great exercise to do is read it through aloud and mark down a short pause as a comma and a longer pause as a period. Then get a friend to read it out and see where they pause. Also the capitals at the beginning of each line really detracts from this for me. It's an old tradition in poetry but I think with the way you break up lines, it just doesn't work with your piece. In regards to language, you use nothing twice in two lines. Then again later power and powerful in two lines (then powerful again later). I'd recommend reworking this to provoke a stronger image. They're slightly abstract and repeating them doesn't really add to the piece and your meaning. With your last line, it feels a bit weak. To ask a question at the end feels like you've just backpedaled all your strong statements before that. If you're going to make a statement, then do it. If you're going to ask the opinion of the reader, do it the whole way through. Other than that though, a nice poem on the power of words. I think a taut edit would make it fantastic. .:midnight:. |