Reviews for hospital bar - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: hospital bar

Tytherpol 2008-07-14 ch 1,	abusei say this with all the sincerity i can possibly muffle-- wow. really, this poem is unreal. one of those things you can take to the grave, simply prideful in the fact that it came from you. i can't say enough praise about it. it would be my favorite if i wrote it too.
AntiPleasure 2008-05-30 ch 1,	abuseI'm in awe, this imagery is so overpowering, described so well.
miscellanea 2008-05-27 ch 1,	abuseCrazy amazing. I liked the bit about the crusty sea urchins and forget-me-nots. Really good.
wing grit 2008-05-25 ch 1,	abuseAstounding
PheonixLament 2008-04-15 ch 1,	abusewow. I don't even know where to begin. This is absolute genius. There's nothing else I can say about it.
Solemn Coyote 2008-03-26 ch 1,	abuseI think I owed you a review from a while back. Like, a month or so. This is me making restitution. 1) I had to really pour over this one in order to pull some sense out of it. It does a good job of being a tangle of impressions, and that makes it kinda hard to analyze. But I have come up with a few critiques. 2) The poem felt like it's supposed to loop at the end, which I like, but it might work a bit better if it were to begin with "i am pouring thick" instead of "i'm pouring thick". There's some more synchronization that way. 3)"from a wineglass maroon bruised" lovely image. 4)"so forgotten even forget-me-nots can’t remember what it felt like to" another awesome concept. 5)"anatomy but of the feet it takes" did you mean 'feat'? I'm not really sure. 6) You do excellent abstract work, which is a little disappointing, sometimes. I feel like I'm only brushing the surface of the host of impressions I could be getting from this poem. Is there a particular way I should be reading these, or a mindset that I should try to be in? -SC
in a jar pk 2007-03-13 ch 1,	abusegorgeous as always. i love your work. x
Osunale 2007-01-21 ch 1,	abuseMind-blowing amazing. The lack of puncuation makes this poem almost so blended together that understanding could become difficult, but the word pacing, and dazzling use of repetition almost force the words at the reader and keep this from becoming more confusing than it is consuming. And the setting...the thoughts from a hospital bar that blend blood and alcohol in these complex images, and sometimes I can't really tell which thread I want to follow, so I'm following them all only to realize that this all wraps up the same. From "i’m pouring thick from a wineglass maroon bruised" to "vines of a grape arbor" to "burgundy glass of bitter wine that’s pouring thick i am" you provide a remarkable continuity, and I must say that I love the blending of hospital images with natural ones (the sky and flowers and sea urchins). "cloudless sky what sky what sky what sky the sky is dead" is brilliant lovel phrasing. Truly excellent work.
Moondog Dozier 2007-01-11 ch 1,	abuseFirst off, the pace of this is miraculous. It ushers the reader over the lines so smoothly and quickly that you hardly know that you've sped on to the next. "maroon bruised-fingertip serenade", is such unique phrasing. The sound of it resonates, and helps the continuation so swiftly. To me, this seems like the mind is working faster than the pen, or the keyboard, as the case may be, I have the same affliction, a good thing, that when my mind accelerates at a pace that I can't capture the thought, feeling, line like I would wish to, but it seems that the way that this is concentrated it's nearly overflowing with sound, once again a good thing. I like how you've incorporated some unique sound throughout, namely the recurring "u", and the "ing" endings to increase the speed through action words. The interior rhyme works well with the use of "corridor", and then "floor" to open the next line. I like how this has a sort of fragmented solidarity to it. Similar to puzzle pieces that fit into just the right place that would otherwise have only an unrecognizable connection. The repetition of "sky", in the middle also enhances the pace, but also gives the reader a chance to process it all when reading it for the first time. Of course I love using repetition to emphasize points, and for the sound aspects that the repetition generates. I am at a loss for a reason why this has been unreviewed, though I have the same issue at times that when I think one of my works is particularly strong it often is one of the least reviewed pieces of work that I have. I also like how you've interspersed modernity, with the "grey's anatomy" reference with traditional imagist lines and phrases. "so forgotten even forget-me-nots-can't remember", adds that bit of subtle humor that helps the reader relate better to the overall literary atmosphere that the writer is attempting to usher the reader into. A joy to read. Well done. MD:77.

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