This was SMEXY. -leaves- ...-comes back- Oh, you need more? lol
Well, I like the style here...and I think it is also very well-written. Don't have much to say here except, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SEND IT TO ME FIRST!
-kills-

Cool idea of doing a collection of oneshots! I'll keep an eye out for more, because you've got me interested.

Just some constructive criticism:

You should work more on your grammar (i.e. when to end sentences and when to use them), because although you've got an interesting plot, your phrasing is awkward and in places you sound very simple because you're using short sentences while in others you're using run-on sentences in an unconscious attempt to sound more coherent.

Also watch your comma usage-- some places you need them where you don't have them, and others you have them where you don't need them.

Try reviewing compound and complex sentences and try to figure out how they work and use them, because they make you sound much more sophisticated and improve your writing style.


Keep on writing-- I'm interested to see what other stories you'll come up with in this collection!

omg good beginning. a suggestion for you is a story over many years about a totally jerky boy and a regular girl and how she tries and fails at changing him. thanks!