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| They call me Tamara 2007-06-12 ch 12,  | abuseA couple of things: Ellen's parts aree written from her point of view, first person perspective; Grace and Aiden's parts are written from third person perspective. It would be better all the same, it would add continuity. Also, most hemophiliacs do not die from a bleed that won't stop, but from a bruise, which is hiding severe internal bleeding. I don't really like the last chapter, it trivialises the whole death part. The previous chapter almost had me in tears, there would be far more impact to the reader to leave it at that rather than following Grace to Heaven - having said that, it was a cever reference to Jack Mittle. It's dubious that Grace 'goes back down to earth'; once again this makes the story more childish and fantasy like. However, having pointed out these small criticisms, overall I quite enjoyed the story, your writing style is excellent and it was a good if rather predictable storyline. Well done. Keep writing, Tamara |
| Ava Montgomery 2007-03-25 ch 6, | abuseThis. Is. Awesome. Why did I not see this before? Ellen and Aidan remind me of Addison and Derek. But then again, everything reminds me of Addison and Derek. Anyway, this is awesome. -Kari |
| Emeleh 2007-02-22 ch 6, anon. | abuseOh Molly, it's good! I don't know whether I love or hate Aidan anymore. And what are these, undertones of marital doubt on Ellen's part? |
| Emileh 2007-02-10 ch 5, anon. | abuseWow. I love the last paragraph. It's so good. |
| Emyelphie 2007-02-09 ch 4, anon. | abuseAw no, it's so sad! I love it though. Mollaika, you're a horrible person sometimes. It's so terribly sad. |
| EmilyElphaba 2007-01-28 ch 2, anon. | abuseIs Aidan going to be a jerk? He seems like he's going to be a jerk. Je l'aime. Don't change it, at least not all of it- you could maybe do first person for one of the characters and not for the others (my vote would be for Ellen's POV) and then switch between that and third, my friend's reading a book that does that. |
| Emilywhoforgottoreviewthetr... 2007-01-13 ch 1, anon. | abuseSo I'm doing both now. Grace: Je l'adore! But who peed in Aden's coffee? Truth: Let's just kill Sarima. Please? |
| Kathy 2007-01-13 ch 1, anon. | abuseI like this story... but I feel so bad for the girl. I wish she didn't have to be sick. The poor child. Anyways... I'm looking forward to more in this one. |