FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| 0.0 NightRiders 0.0 2008-07-01 ch 1,  | abuseaww oh my god so sweet i love this - its so sweet.. oh and ive been meaning to ask you WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SEQUEL OF CUPIDS WOLF? awesome story - really |
| PT of Awesomeness 2008-04-23 ch 1, | abuseShort and sweet. Made me go "Aww!" at the end. Good job! :D |
| Omok 2008-03-13 ch 1, | abuseOMG! so cute |
| amazingness 2008-03-03 ch 1, | abusebeginning isnt vcery good... you should try showing instead of telling that she's ur best friend, really close, yada yada.. othere than that, very sweet and would totally make a good anime short film. =]] |
| scenester7002 2007-07-29 ch 1, | abusei love this one it's my favorite for some reason... |
| Sporkless 2007-07-16 ch 1, | abuseAw... this was so beautiful! It was very well written, and so much different from other stories I've read on here. ^-^ |
| sy-wolf13 2007-03-21 ch 1, | abuseAUGH! too fast i wanted a longer one! gr! now im angry! But i have to read the next one *eye twitches*! -A Cupid's Wolf Addict |
| AbsintheinFevor 2007-01-31 ch 1, | abuseI am never one to try and criticize someone's work, especially since my own work is full of horrid writing and grammar. Lol, but I must say I really enjoyed your piece of work here love. Well done, and I hope to see more from you ~Absinthe |
| Tasyin 2007-01-15 ch 1, | abuseThat is possibly the cutest thing I've ever read. Love your writing, great job. One comment, you've got a typo (I think) 'I knew she probably would let me into the house if I went over there'. I think it should be 'wouldn't let me in'. Other than that I've got nothing. :) ~Tasyin |
| Limited Edition 2007-01-14 ch 1, | abuseThe summary is meant to say what the story is about. The language is nice and varied, the descriptions short, but say much. The story is told instead of shown, which makes it boring. I say, but the first paragraph (who cares?!) and describe instead of blurting. Example: "gave me a curious look". How does that look like? "I rolled my eyes and we walked home." HUH? That just sounded...wtf? It sounds like I normally speak. And you know what others do when I speak like that? They're so surprised that they laugh. It makes sense but then it doesn't. The grammar, tenses and spelling are awesome. Cookie points for mechanics! "We talked about our day and how much we hated teachers, but mostly we speculated about the white camellia. Violet was of the opinion that it was all a prank by one of the boys. I wasn’t so sure." Another example of telling instead of showing. Sounds like blablabla in my head. The story tells everything to the reader, leaves nothing to their imagination. It makes the story lack suspense, which is what makes a reader want to read on. I don't know, maybe not telling who the flower was from or something like that would make it more interesting? The theme is very sweet and cute, very...yuri hahaha. I like it. It's very tender. Good job. |