 Moondog Dozier 2007-01-19 . chapter 1The first stanza opens this up well, especially, "flick your low beams on", as it is a natural beginning and can be interpreted by the reader as a double meaning of sorts. I also enjoy how you move on to specifics, cities, "Cherry, Jackson, Scranton", perhaps all Pennslyvania, give this a stationary setting in the mind, while still being transitory in the actual action. I also like how you shift from the abstraction, "You knew you'd settle", to the specifically concrete, "like rain pooling-in your woolen overcoat", it gives the comparison so much more tangibility when you drop the image in there, and it fits comfortably with the progression. The first line of stanza four I like because of the uniqueness, but I'm not sure I comprehend, "white elephantine clay", The return to signs, also a double meaning I assume, gives this a completion of the circular thought and leaves the reader inside the thought process and where it leads. Very well written. |
 MyDamnedSelf 2007-01-16 . chapter 1It's a newly connotated lost/ knowing exactly where you are
wow, where to begin. These two lines especially summed up the feeling for me, a very original outlook. Completely lost in a location, or situation you know by heart. Your word use is excellent, as always : ) " white elephantine clay" especially.
Your knack for specific detail refreshing, I love how you name the streets. Another one for my favorites : ) |