This looks like it could be ok. It would be wrong, however, if I didn't tell you that your dialogue is a little messed up. Not so much the words themselves, as it is the formatting. Everytime someone new talks, you should start a new paragraph. Like this:

"Blah," said Aiko.

"Blah blah," replied Cody.

There's other things I could mention, but I'd rather not overwhelm you since this is your first story here. If nothing else, this story looks like it could be entertaining.

Anyway, I'll catch you later.