Good story mate. Spot on.

Nice freakin story.

Long time no see. You might want to speed things up a bit.

This is definately an improvement. Spot on.

I like how this story is moving along. I'm surprised you're not rushing this the way you sometimes do with your fanfics.

Your story's like a box of chocolate's you never know what you're gonna get.

I liked the story. When I tried to log in I wasn't able to. Oh this isn't ffnet. I guess you write fanfiction here too. I'll be seeing ya.

Rather interesting. I'm glad you were able to tone things down from the way you usually write your fanfics. I'm not sure if having giants in this story will make much sense. Are you talking about guys who are seven and a half feet tall or something like that? Or even taller?

Fancy meeting you here. I'm assuming you're the same screaming dean from that other website? I know you like to put a lot of action in your fics but try to tone it down here. The stories on this website have to be a little more realistic. I love the premise of this, though.

Holy matza, Bateman! This looks like a jewish Batman to me. I just came from your website. I didn't see this fanfic at This must be another website. I enjoyed this fic however. Keep writing.

This looks to be interesting. I hope to see some good action in this. Update as soon as possible.

I'm going to be a little stylistical picky because I don't know if your style is based from the fanfics you're used to writing. If it is, keep in mind that fics and fanfics are written differently and what may work with one doesn't always work with the other (:

Firstly, nearly every sentence you have is a new paragraph and that makes your writing appear choppy. Create paragraphs and don't be afriad of them, but don't make them too long where there's only one or two per chapter. The enter key is your friend, but don't overdo it (:

You have an interesting backstory in the beginning but you're doing a lot of "telling, not showing." Many readers like a mental image of what you're writing about and it's hard to get that when you as the writer are not showing the image, but simply telling it.


Those sentences in particular threw me, mainly because you said Rabbi Mendelson screamed at the top of his lungs, but Wayne wasn't AWOKEN (not awoked) from the shrill cry, but for no reason at all, as if he hadn't heard his name but just happened to wake up at the same time by coincidence.

Now, it's nice that Wayne can prepare himself, but you gave him quite a workload that seems to be something to make him invincible, nearly like a Gary Stu. In reality, I don't think anyone could master all of those skills in just fifteen short years.

Interesting plotline but, as you mentioned in your AN, if your keynote for this will be the cartoons and comics you love, maybe a better place for this story would be fanfic or even fantasy genre, where the impossible is possible. An interesting read and I hope you continue