The story is really good! The developing romance isn't overdone, and there's enough plot to keep it moving. I'm also really interested in the whole song-casting/Wisp/Omega/dream-time stuff -- I really love the world you've created.

Please update soon. :]

I'm really enjoying this story! The plot and the characters are interesting and I think you're doing a great job! Please update soon!

I just love whisper. He reminds me of my friend Kells. :D

~nicola~

I hate boats/canoes whatever. I saw titanic when I was like, nine or something and it scared the ice cream out of me. I freak out whenever I go near water and it has something flimsy floating on top of it. Ohh..I get the chills just thinking about it. Where am I going with this? I don't know but i really like that you added a logical...nervousness to Aria. Idk.

I love how you toy with the mixed relationship between Aria and Wraith. ;) I can't wait to see what will happen with them next. And I just love whisper. He reminds me of a moogle :D. (final fantasy reference)

~nicola

I really enjoyed reading this. It kept me interested, and that is saying alot. (I have a 2 second attention span...) Anywho I find myself getting all excited to find out what happens between Aria and Wraith. The chemistry between them is so yummy! :D

Now, for my CC. If you don't mind, the only thing I have to say is...gosh, what is that called? Oh! Passive voice, I think. Anyway I learned about this last year in writing class. You used alot of 'was' words. Now, this is probably optional or whatever but you can cut those out. My teacher just said it...looked better or something (as you can guess, I failed the section on passive voice ;D)

Hmm...lets see if I remember how to do this...
Take this sentence for example,

“We need to get out of here before more turn up,” Wraith said, and she jolted in surprise when she realized he was right next to her.

To eliminate the 'was' how about,

“We need to get out of here before more turn up,” Wraith said near her ear. Aria jumped in surprise at his closeness.

Something like that. :S Its not perfect but ya get my point right?

Anywho, this story is just peaches! All of it is just oozing awesomeness. I door and a ball it! :D

Ciao!

~nicola~

ps-you have every right to totally ignore me seeing as how...I just had chocolate chunk cookies (omg soo yummy) and I'm experiencing a sugar rush right about now...so everything I say cannot be held against me :D

Almost a year and no new chapter :(

I discovered this story today, and I just wanted to let you know that I love it! I know you probably don't have any plans to update it anytime soon, but that's not going to stop me from checking out some of your other works. Great job!

Hm, I like this story but not as much as Luna Vis- Please update that story! Your updates are so sporadic; I really think you do not know how much your readers LOVE your story and how much you toy with them :)

Please update Luna Vis- you have it outlined and the first draft done right? Lets make a deal: if you update Luna Vis regularly, then I will not only purchase Cat's Eye but I will ALSO find three other readers to do so as well. Let me know and get back at me!

Hhaha, this may feel like a bribe but I SO DESPERATELY need to read Luna Vis- I CRAVE it!!

Oh, why, oh why do you do this? WHY do you get me hooked on a story and then leave me...hanging!!?? This has not been updated for almost a year!! I know you have been busy with Sora's story( which by the way, is my favorite story at FP and, kind of sadly, one of my favorite storie PERIOD!! But that's okay- it's a real book so my sentiments aren't illogical. I am actually going to go buy it right now after this- but again, why haven't you updated this!!?? Can you email me where you are with this story? Maybe you don't feel like posting it so could you send it to me perhaps so I could read it and not combust!? Thanks! Now, I'm off to buy your book- Do you know how long it takes in the mail?
Thanks!

I also love this story, please update as soon as possible

fabulous that is! pwease pwease pwease give us updates! Wraith and Shadow have rather caught my fancy :) Are you gonna explain his name being "Wraith Havok"? i dont imagine he was called that as a baby...
sewerage is icky ;P *bleh* and your story skills are very un-bleh :D pwease update!

O mysterious! Sounds like things are about to get interesting. ;) I love your characterization of Aria and Whisper, it's so realistic, they make such a cute... pair? hehe.

Hehe this was a fun chapter. Keep writing, this seems like a good original story, can't wait to see what happens next. ;)

Icck, sorry for the late reply Theresa! Turning 18, last internal assessments to hand in and our mid-year exams had me occupied for a nice chunk of this year. Well Winter of Fire, if you haven't read it yet, is definitely worth the endeavour! And if you like it, I suggest "Tanith", also by Sheryl Jordon. It is bittersweet though, so be prepared to cry a bit (I did lol).

Anyways, back to the story. Gosh I haven't been this excited about a fantasy story on fictionpress for a while! You know, everywhere you see these days, the stories are set in the typical "teenage" environment so having an actual fantasy based in a completely different Universe is so refreshing!

I like the insinuations between Shadow and Aria ;) *wink wink* Having another demon and innocent girl story though maybe is becoming a little tiring but I love your writing style so whichever goes. I like how Aria is not Sora! That's a definite plus! I liked Sora, but I love Aria. She's smart, she's independent, she's not emotionally weak or melodramatic. Wow that took a lot of writing, I'll try and keep on reviewing as long as you keep on updating! Looking forward to the book :D

Because you gave me such great, thorough reviews, I'm going to do a more thorough critique in chronological order. I may or may not have time to do this for every chapter, but right now I do.

First paragraph. The description of Beth seems out of place. You don't really need that much description of her and her relationship to Aria in the first paragraph, especially since you do a good job of showing that through the dialogue (great dialogue there) anyways. It slows the pacing down where you want to keep it up in order to hook the reader.

A lot of repeat of 'Beth led her', and several 'she was led's. That makes it sound like Beth has her by the hand and is physically leading her somewhere. Say it once, but then there's nothing wrong with saying 'they went'.

I'm not sure if there's a better word, but a term like 'head waitress' made me automatically think modern-type setting.

I like the name Wraith Havoc, as long as he doesn't turn out to be a super tough guy that the name suggests.

'his eyes were serious'
I can see his expression being serious, but not really eyes. Alternative: 'and he stared at her with a serious expression'?

I'm liking this a lot so far. I like the way you introduced her race as something that might be a problem for her.

FOOM!
I'm sorry. I have to admit that I laughed at that. Until you said that there was an explosion, I had no idea that that even referred to a loud noise. An alternative might be to mention a sudden silence. With an explosion like that, it can take a second to register the huge noise, so someone not expecting it might suddenly feel like everything stops before everything goes kaboom. Other than that, very good transition into action, I thought.

Too much use of suddenly. I try to avoid it unless absolutely necessary to emphasize that something is happening right away. So, it's a little necessary when talking about someone suddenly twitching to life, but not that something happened in response to Wraith yelling 'Luz's flame'.

'jolted in surprise' is a little redundant. Nothing wrong with just saying jolted.

That's pretty neat about the gray man being her shadow. Definitely a surprise, there. I don't think I've ever seen that before.

Okay, to wrap it up:

Wow. You did an outstanding job with this first chapter. The writing could use some tidying up in places (you tend to use more words than you need) but the pacing and plot really hooked me. You've obviously put some thought into this. I like the idea of Wraith's shadow, and the whole thing with the Omegas sounds like it will make for a good story. I look forward to reading the rest.