FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| notated descant. 2007-01-21 ch 1,   | A very true situation- I love the closing line: "I'd rather be shot down/Than bleed to death." the only thing I'd suggest changing is the "T R i E D" in the fourth line of the first stanza. It just kind of ruins the flow of the format. Try writing it normally, and if you want it accented, you could use italics instead, right? Just a thought. Other than that, I love the rhyming scheme as well. Great job! |
| Frore 2007-01-21 ch 1, | I definitely like the last line. This poem is more conversational than metaphorical, but the language is clear in its intent. Keep writing. |